No such thing as the Perfect Bull

The page, 'Ian part 1 - the Perfect Bull' describes my immature thoughts, as a novice to this lifestyle, on how Ian was the Perfect Bull. We hadn't met him at that time, but my reasoning, this time last year was that, unlike so many men we chatted to on CL, Ian was not an impatient aggressive charging Bull. He took the slow long term approach to groom me to the space in which he wanted me to be. He never made demands, never set rules - he didn't have to. Instead he used his understanding of psychology to manipulate my mind almost hypnotically. I believe he uses similar techniques to get his own way in business. His does not care for the word 'Bull', and I have to admit, with his soft spoken, somewhat camp demeanour, it actually doesn't suit him.

But this unlikely Bull, sure as hell, knew how to bring me to my knees, make me eat out of his hand. He is the only man to have broken down my barriers from detesting the sight, texture, smell and taste of semen, to have me begging for his cum in my mouth. And then when he was about to shoot onto my waiting tongue, he told me to close my mouth! (This was described in 'a spit roast with cream on top'). He's a clever guy. At the time, I thought he was being considerate. In fact he later told me that he told me to close my mouth because he wanted me to gradually get used to cum. But the reality was that he denied me, so I am now finding I am craving tasting his cream ever more! On reflection I wonder if this was yet another manipulation of my mind to make me want him more. If only he had been more committed, I believe he had the capability of eventually breaking my hard limits of glory holes and gang bangs!

And that is the problem. He is simply not committed enough, and unless that changes, I can never truly submit to him. Despite his alternative approach, which was so effective, Ian has panned out not be the Perfect Bull. He persistently screwed up when it came to organisation, and was next to impossible to pin down. His elusiveness in the early days made me want him more, but now only serves to irritate. He was always lovely when we met, a kind and perfect gentleman. But in between he did not make the effort to keep the relationship going. Although he enthusiastically engages in text banter, that often continues all day, we always had to make the first move. Ian also spectacularly let himself down when he took us to the swing club. He misread what I was ready for, and consequently went charging ahead with what he wanted me to do, justifying to himself that I would love it once he got me there. The final straw was him not being there for me after the experience. There was no point in Ian grooming me into submission if his is not going to see the journey through. This was where Ian's understanding of sub-Dom and Bull-cuck relationships, was limited. He knew how to get us there, but didn't know how to complete the journey. I desperately want to be his sub, but unless he stops being a fantasist and makes it happen we will all miss out on something amazing.

Jason, by contrast, made an effort. We did not have to put up with purile games of having to chase him. He even had the ability to bring out the sub in me in the same way Ian did.  Had it worked out with Jason, I know that he would have been a devoted Dom Bull, committed to the journey we were all signing up for. Unfortunately the explicit language and, what came across to me as, an aggressive and threatening manner, killed the submissive in me as fast as it was created. I accept his style of domination works with some people, but I respond better to having my mind slowly and subtly manipulated. Personally I have more respect for Ian's style - it demonstrates patience, and I admire the way he groomed me to where he wanted me to be by clever use of words. In my opinion there is nothing clever about calling someone a 'slut', and as a result I simply don't find it dominating. As with Ian, I also feel we all missed out. I didn't see why Jason couldn't take a few steps back to our level, and develop us over time to a more advanced level. But I guess Jason can only do this one way.

I find it bizarre that Jason would be so appalled at Ian's pushiness with glory holes, but be so uncompromising with using explicit sexual language. I am sure that Ian would be equally shocked that a prospective Bull would be so insistant on using language I find offensive. Jason told me that all his subs and cucks love the bad language, and Ian told me that all the couples he has been involved with absolutely love the glory hole. Men are happy to be reasonable until their personal 'must do' fantasy is called into question. Dale is the same; he is happy for me to choose my lovers - until he discovers that my taste is different from his!

Since it ended with Jason, we are now back on with Ian. I have spent most of December texting him, and despite the lengthy gap in communications throughout the autumn, it did not take long for text messaging to return to normality - Ian is well up for coming to our house in the New Year and having me bareback in the marital bed whilst pretending to breed me. And before long he was back onto his typical fantasies regarding the involvement of others in our play time. Bla bla. All back to normal. And of course he was back to normal when it came to trying to arrange a date for the New Year - avoidance! Never mind, I have my pen pal back, so I can resume feeding my addiction of Ian's delicious fantasies!

So what are our plans for 2015? Its been a year since we posted our very first blog 'A New Year and back in the saddle'. In 2015 we really do hope to be in the saddle, and this time steering the reigns! We realise that it is futile to entertain any realistic hope of something regular and meaningful with Ian. He is however the only prospective Bull who has stood the test of time with us. We know that if we see him we will have fun, however if we don't, we will have fun anyway. We have decided to give up on searching for Bulls on line, as we have had too many wasted journeys into London for unsatisfactory meets. Instead our plan for the New Year is to hit the swing clubs and parties. Maybe we'll find our Perfect Bull in one of those. And if not we're bound to still have some stories to write!

Fifty shades of a cuckold

I had been somewhat surprised at Dale's initial enthusiasm to being 'owned' by Master Jay. The text chat about breeding and other cuckold fantasies I expected (he missed that with Ian gone), but I could never see Dale giving up his sexual freedom, or agreeing to humiliation. It would be only a matter of time before the alpha male in him rose its ugly head. I have endured Dale's Gemini personality on many occasions during this journey, and it only takes a smallest misjudgement, on the part of myself or the Bull, to upset him. Although Dale enjoys certain aspects of cuckoldry, he is not prepared to sit and watch his wife and her lover give him a porn show. Although that has its place, on the whole, Dale likes and expects to be able to join in at some point.

Ian, who is a very similar personality to Dale, understood him, and always made sure he was given sufficient inclusion, without interfering in my enjoyment with my lover. Dale always appreciated Ian's understanding of his complex character. However, even Ian managed to mess up - Dale had been upset with Ian instructing me to suck the guy in the club, followed by Ian having sex with me afterwards (described in 'from the frying pan to the fire' and 'badly burnt'). Ian must have gotton so excited that he forgot his manners, resulting in Dale feeling left on the sidelines, despite having the opportunity to clean Ian's cum from inside me. Therefore I could not envisage Dale sitting in the corner with a cage on watching Master Jay fuck me, or sleeping in the guest room knowing another man has taken his bed. Comparitive discussions with Ian always involved me sleeping in between my husband and lover.

During the weeks that followed, Jason and I continued to text. I wanted him to fuck me, and he knew it, but he would not do 'ordinary' sex, so I had to go without. We had agreed to stay friends and he wanted to help us find a more suitable Bull. I found myself regretting that it hadn't worked, and wondered if perhaps I should have made more of an effort, not been so obnoxious etc. However, I am aware, after my experience with Ian, how attractive something I can't have is. Jason rejection made him more desirable. However I didn't push for another chance because I knew Dale wasn't a true cuck. Jason however was absolutely insistent that Dale was indeed a true cuck, but it was my complacency, if not negativity, that prevented him fulfilling his true desires and potential in this field.  Jason claimed he knew all there was to know on this subject, and that if I fully embraced my husband as a cuckold, Dale would naturally lose interest in threesomes, sex with me, and sex with others, and be totally committed to mine and my lover's sexual pleasure. 

I repeated this theory to Dale. 'Bollocks' was his response. Dale admitted that he was prepared to explore cuckoldry to a greater level with Jason, than he had done with Ian. However he agreed with me, that for it to work, Jason had to tone it down - being told to 'fuck off' was a step too far! Also Dale had no intention of giving up swinging. And as for ceasing sexual relations with his wife - well that was a non-starter for both of us! There are many shades of grey in the cuckold continuum, and Dale's complex character does not land on solely one part of the spectrum.

Concerned that Jason thought it was me that was responsible for the relationship failing, Dale explained succinctly to Jason exactly what his interests consisted of, and that cuckoldry was only part of the story. Jason apologised to me for his mistake, and told me in the light of this information, any further communication would cause confusion. He was clearly hacked off. He said he had wanted to own us (I guess he felt there was still hope), and now it would never happen. I was upset, as since we had agreed not to continue with the D/s relationship, I had come to value his friendship. But he felt the sexual tension between us was too much, and his mind was made up.

However a week later, Jason was back in touch. It didn't take long for texting to become sexual, and after a few days it was back to normal. Once comfortable, the bad language resumed, and I respectfully requested he stop. He was insistent that this was a necessary element to a D/s relationship, and I would have to live with it. In time I would apparently understand. I suggested that he tones it down and gives me a chance to get used to it, or maybe restricts it to moments of sexual passion. He told me he will respect my hard limits (yet to be agreed), but he does not negotiate, especially on this matter. It seemed, with Jason there was only one shade of grey to describe him, and this was the darkest and most undilutable shade. But we knew that - he had warned us in the beginning, and the three of us were probably foolish to even contemplate this arrangement!

I discussed the matter of the words with Dale, and he advised me to back off on words like slut and whore; that I should take them as a compliment. So I texted Jason to say just that, on the basis that I understood that this was a vital element for him. I did say, however, that I would now like to put my hard limits on the table. He rejected my offer, saying I needed to understand him better. I don't know why I made this offer - there was no real point, as him and Dale no longer communicated. I just guess part of me hankered after what he had to offer.

The final nail in the coffin happened the same night. Jason requested a picture of my eyes. I sent him a topless picture of myself instead. He was not amused, and curtly informed me that he had immediately deleted it. He wanted one of my eyes and had not asked for a 'rude' picture. He implicated my hypocrisy at being so against bad language, but having no problem with sending a picture with my 'tits on display like a page 3 girl'!

I couldn't be bothered any more, and I've no doubt he felt the same way.  

Besides Ian and I have been texting.

Six days as one of Master Jay's submissives

Read the previous blog 'fifty shades darker' for an introduction on our relationship with Master Jay.

It's probably not strictly true that Jason asked me to be his sub. Though he did ask me if I wanted this role, and as the Dom, was very clear that he expected me to ask him for that privilege. And when I texted 'yes' to his question, he immediately texted back that I should ask him nicely if he would be my master. The word 'master' stuck in my throat, and the best I could do was say 'please can I be your sub, Jason?' He told me I would be, once I learnt how to please him and submit. I guess on that basis, I never really was his sub. And besides the whole thing imploded after less than a week without even being consummated. Like Lady Jane Grey, as the uncrowned Queen of England for 9 days, I was Master Jay's uncollared submissive for six days. Fortunately I still have my head!

Text messages continued between us for much of the day. Jason commented on what had happened to me the previous night in the pub car park; how that had demonstrated I was a true sub. He said I wouldn't understand what I was experiencing, nor was I ready to understand it yet. But he started to outline rules and and regulations for my new role. He conceded that I could call him 'Jason', as opposed to his preferred 'Master Jay'. It was very clear I was to put him first at all times (though he did acknowledge that he does not interfere with family or work), and I was to get used to his use of graphic sexual language. However by the afternoon his increasing use of, what I consider, unnecesary bad language was offending me. Being referred to as his 'black cock whore' or 'subslut bitch' made me feel extremely uncomfortable. He also made a serious faux pas in telling Dale, via text, to 'fuck off' as he was 'talking to his new bitch'. I told him that I wasn't ready for this stuff - he had after all promised me the previous night to go a my pace and not subject me to what I wasn't ready for. He told me this is the way he is, and in the light of my objection, he would have to think about it. The text chat ceased abruptly/ I didn't really care. The dominating effect, he originally had on me, had been killed by the explicit language. 

Jason reached out to me that evening, and we had a relatively pleasant chat. When he when texted again a few hours later, the conversation turned sexual. It went fine until Jason informed me that he does not go down on his subs - that is the cuck hubby's role. Oh for goodness sake, I thought! This guy is so doing a spectacular job of telling me why I wouldn't want to go to bed with him! And I recalled how much I had always enjoyed Ian pleasuring me that way. I had thought less about Ian since meeting Jason, the penny finally dropping that I would be better off with a Dom who made an effort. But finding out I would not be experiencing with Jason, something Ian did with enthusiasm (as do most men) reminded me how his patient technique, of gentle persistent persuasion, had me eating out of his hand. I lipped back at Jason, in a particularly unsubmissive way, and a way in which I wouldn't have dared speak to Ian. Jason retorted that I was getting 'too demanding my Bitch' and that I was to do as I was 'fucking told!'

I ignored him. I'd had enough, and so had Dale. In my opinion, he was behaving like a bully, and this only served to bring out the obnoxious in me. He did not seem to be the same Dom Bull, who successfully brought out the sub in me only 24 hours earlier. Ian would never have spoken to me like that - but then he never had to; he created submission in me in a more subtle clever way, playing with my mind to make me want something.

So it seemed that that was the end.

I was wrong. I heard from Jason the next day. He was back to being nice and polite, so I rewarded him for good behaviour by allowing a chat. I didn't see where this was going, and the persistent aggressive language had certainly put me off wanting to be dominated by him. However I did like him very much as a friend - in that capacity I considered him extremly nice and very easy to talk to. He confided that he liked me very much, in fact much more than he had expected. He told me he really wanted me as a sub, but I would have to get over my 'hang ups' of the graphic language. We had a chat about that and nothing was really resolved. I was extremely flattered by his sentiments, and I didn't see why he couldn't tone down the language, maybe until I was more developed in my sub role. However this matter was clearly a deal breaker for him. 

I didn't hear from him for two days, so again I thought that perhaps Jason had realised this was not going to work. Then he reached out again and we texted solidly for three days. He backed off on stuff I didn't like, so slowly the sub in me started to come out. We discussed hard limits, and he reassured that I was not be forced into anything. He was however concerned that Dale had been a bit distant, and that it would not work unless the cuck hubby was fully on board.

This was my concern too. Jason was clearly smitten with me, so I thought we could work something out that was mutually acceptable to both of us. But it bothered me how much of a cuckold Dale was prepared to be. It seemed that Jason was into cuckold humiliation, and Dale and I were very concerned as to what this might entail. Dale being told to 'fuck off' had set off alarm bells; we had disturbing visions of Jason, on being invited to our house, telling Dale to 'fuck off while I fuck my bitch'. Maybe we were over worrying, but Jason was probably too extreme for our comfort levels.

So in truth, I knew the relationship had no future. But I pressed on, partly because I was drawn to him and craved to be a sub, and partly because the child in me was intrigued by the way he chased after me and wondered just how far I could push him.

On the evening of the sixth day I found out exactly how far Jason could be pushed. He informed me that we would only have sex bareback, so I calmly told him that we could consider that in the fullness of time. He stubbornly stood his ground. With his unreasonable demands, my obnoxious side started to raise its ugly head again. I lipped back and discovered that he would take no more! 

Well at least I now knew his breaking point with me!

Come back, Ian - all is forgiven!

Fifty shades darker

Jason (aka Master Jay) is an extreme Dom Bull. So extreme, Ian is a pussy cat by comparison.

But he was very honest from the beginning, and I think we all knew, including Jason himself, that he was too extreme for us. Though some reason the three of us decided to give it a go anyway.

A born and bred Londoner, now living in the Home Counties not far from us, he a is mixed race man of Caribbean origin. Well-spoken and very intelligent, though his early fifties, he is considerably older than what I would normally look for in a lover. Even so, after a lengthy telephone call I was smitten. His voice oozed sex appeal, and he spoke with the same soft authoritative tone that Ian did when in Dom mode. And although I wasn't looking for this, upon experiencing the Dom manner again, I realised how much I missed it. Maybe even needed it.

But, as I said, Jason was extreme, and there was no flexibility in what he had to offer. He was into ownership of a cuckold couple. He has a long term partner who was his official submissive, but he likes to have married subs in addition, where the husbands become his cucks. This involves the married couple ceasing to have sex, and the cuck hubby being completely at service to meeting the needs of the Dom Bull in relation to the wife, to whom he would be the primary sex partner. Naturally his submissives do exactly as he says. Jason haa a particular interest in making his subs, who are always white, fuck black men. He is also into cuckold humiliation, which I was somewhat concerned about.

So although Jason turned me on, I doubted Dale and I could really accept the 'ownership' element. Dale, being a fantasist, and in missing the cuckold psychology from Ian, was well up for this experience. In fact I noticed the look of sheer relief on Dale's face when he got into bed one night, phone in hand, ready to commence a text chat with Jason about me being bred - oh Dale had so missed these pregnancy discussions with Ian!

Jason is an honest man, and he was very honest when he concluded that I was not ready for him. He did however believe that Dale was up for this experience, though I suspected he had misjudged Dale. Nonetheless, he agreed to meet us anyway.

This led to Jason getting my back up for the first time (and as it panned out, wouldn't be the last!) In his role as a Dom Bull, he ordered Dale to find a suitable venue. Dale, in cuck mode, was only to glad to oblige. But the men were forgetting that I, as the lady, need to be impressed by my prospective lovers, and part of that involves the Bull being seen to take charge. I realise that that what Jason did was part of the Bull-Cuck relationship, but to me leaving my husband to make all the arrangements was a cop-out.  What turns me on in a man is old-fashioned chivalry, including arranging the date with the aim of showing the lady a good time. As Jason becoming increasingly bossy with Dale, I feared he would also take an extreme view that, Dale as the cuckold, should pay for all the drinks. This would definitely have been a deal breaker for me. I am a high maintenance hotwife, and will not go to bed with someone who doesn't spend money on me!

We met Jason in a remote country pub, half way between where we and he lives. Fortunately he, not only passed the 'buying drinks' test (many haven't), but was the perfect gentleman to both Dale and myself. He was clearly quite taken with me, and raved on about how he hadn't expected me to be so attractive. I found him shorter and stockier than I had imagined, and I didn't fancy him.

But despite not fancying him, he did turn me on. This was deja vous. I hadn't felt this way since last February when we met Ian for the first time.

We discussed expections, and it was clear that I probably wouldn't be able to keep Jason happy. I wanted this though, and started to feel that I had blown it. When he asked me what I thought, I told him as such. Jason listened without expression, and I wondered what he would tell me when I had finished. Dale went to the bathroom and Jason swapped seats to sit next to me. He took my hand, and to my surprise said softly 'would you like to be my sub?'. His voice was like honey, so erotic. I looked down and didn't answer. I wanted this, but knew he was too extreme. He repeated his question, so I said, 'will you take me as I am?' Dale returned from the bathroom, and he asked me again if I wanted to be his sub. I repeated 'will you take me as I am?' His hand explored my thigh and fingered the top of my stockings. Then he said 'so would you like to be a black cock whore?' Duncan did a sharp intake of breath in his excitement of such a proposition! I was shocked by the bad language, though it was erotically incongruous to his clipped accent and impeccable manners.

We discussed my fears. I told him what had happened with Ian in the club, how I felt I had been pushed into something I didn't want to do. This can be read about in 'from the frying pan to the fire' and 'badly burned'. Jason was appalled at Ian's behaviour. He assured me that, as his sub, he would only demand of me what he knew I was ready for. 'Don't worry' he joked, ' there are no glory holes here!' I looked nervously at the fine oak panelling of the pub wall next to our table, and a crude image floated into my mind!

Then he said to me softly, 'did this guy hurt you?' I said 'yes', touched by his empathy. Jason explained that Ian had messed up by not being there for me after the experience in the club. He said that when a Dom gives his sub an experience, it is essential be available to help her down from the emotional high. He said that was why Ian had left me feeling so empty. What Jason said was the truest thing I had heard in a long time.

He then looked at me, and all of a sudden his manner changed. He started gabbling about how he had thought I wasn't ready for him, but now saw that I am indeed a true sub. I didn't know what I did to make him suddenly say this, but some time later he told me it was facial expressions, looking down etc. Apparently, at that moment, I had exhibited myself as true sub, something, he told me, one can't fake.

Jason then told us that he had to think carefully about whether he could take me on, as he already had two subs. He said he didn't want to abandon me like the other guy. This really opened my eyes; not that he was considering taking me on, nor that  if I accepted I would have been one of many. But that he was actually thinking it through! Such a contrast from Ian, who continuoully disapoints due to unfullfilled promises, simply because he doesn't think!

I needed time out, so excused myself to the toilet. Jason put his hands on my hips as I squeezed past. On my return, he held my hips again as I pushed past him to get back to my seat. He put his hand back on my thigh and told me that him and Dale had discussed him coming home with us that night. My heart leapt for joy, but then he remembered a commitment with one of his children the next day, and said regretfully that he couldn't. I was gutted. I needed this guy to fuck me. After how strongly I felt for Ian, I didn't think I would experience submissive feelings for another guy.

We all left shortly after that. In the car park, just as we were about to say good bye, Jason suddenly kissed me. Gently at first, but when I responded, his kisses became passionate and urgent as his tongue frantically explored my mouth, his hands moving purposefully over my body. I started hyperventilating, the same way I did with Ian as described in the blogs, 'the slow smouldering effects of a hypnotic seduction' and 'fanning the fire with another hypnotic seduction'. I never thought this would happen to me again. His hand moved to my breast, and started squeezing it hard before homing in on my nipple, twisting it between his thumb and forefinger. His passion was rough and forceful, so different from Ian's sensual gentle approach. But the effect on me was the same. As he teased my nipple, he sucked my lower lip then move his mouth to my neck before nibbling my ear. 'Look at Dale' he ordered. I obeyed and saw Dale standing by the car watching.

I turned back to my new lover, who continued kissing my neck. Then he growled in my ear 'you'll do as you're told'. This turned me on so much, but scared me too. Ian never took that tone with me. OMG this was definately fifty shades darker. Still hyperventilating I ran to the car. I couldn't take what was happening to me.

The next day Master Jay invited me to be his submissive and I accepted.

Read 'Six days as one of Master Jay's submissives' to find out what happened next.