Confessions of an Alpha Cuck (part 2) - by Dale

After revamping our profile on the swingers website, we promptly received a message from Master Jay. My first communication with him some months back had been swiftly batted away, as this master of masters clearly had little time for novices. It soon became obvious that Jason was the godfather of D/s and interracial swinging, and that if we could get in with him then we would be all set. Numerous text messages were exchanged as he tried to get the measure of us, and eventually an agreement was reached to meet for a drink.

Sarah and I were in two minds on meeting Jason. I thought I was 80% what he was looking for, however, Sarah was probably only 40% there. I felt this was something that we could pursue, but feared Sarah's argumentative nature would ruin it for us. However, collectively we were concerned that Jason was too extreme, but hoped the three of us could work together in finding a common ground to start from. How wrong we were !!

We met Jason in a pub half way between where we both lived and, as we were there first, I went to the bar to buy the first round. Jason arrived and after saying hello to me, went in search of Sarah. He was extremely courteous in his manner and very pleasant to talk to. He was not the intense hard core Dom of the texting, and we felt that maybe we'd been a little harsh in our initial assessment.

Admittedly Jason is not the kind of man I normally look to as a prospective lover for my wife. He's the same age as me, so is unlikely to be as visually pleasing or as energetic as these thirty something young studs we usually go for. And it's not just Sarah I'm thinking of - don't forget I have to watch !! However, he was an experienced Dom which was something Sarah wanted, and he knew a lot of BBCs whom he could arrange to sleep with Sarah - so not only would I get to see her with a young fit stud, but a young black fit stud !!! Everybody should be happy.

Half way through the evening, whilst I was at the washroom, Jason changed seats, so upon my return, I found him sitting next to Sarah stroking her thigh. She seemed to enjoy this. Progress was being made. The best part was when he leaned in and whispered to her "Would you like to be a black cock whore?"  I did a sharp intake of breath and felt my cock stir at this suggestion. Visions of my sweet wife on a bed being pleasured by a number of chiselled, well endowed black men..... Sadly Sarah was quick to put the damper on that fantasy !!!

I got a lot of pleasure seeing how Jason seemed to be enjoying my wife's body. It was particularly exciting to watch him put his hands on her hips are she squeezed passed him on the way to the washroom, and again upon her return. He must have liked what he felt because, whilst she was in the washroom, he told me he would come home with us that night. Sadly he immediately remembered that he had a family engagement early the next day so had to back track. As it was getting late, and there was now no fun to be had, we decided to call it a night. In the car park, and after I said goodnight to Jason, he moved in to kiss Sarah goodbye. I leant against my car and watch. The kiss lasted quite a while, and Sarah seemed to be very breathless and excited considering it was just a kids. In fact she seemed so turned that I was convinced that he was fingering her under her coat.

Text messages were flying back and forth for the rest of the weekend, but Sarah continued to be argumentative and annoying. Progress was non-existent and at times huge backwards steps were taken, as my wife refused to accept anything Jason was talking about. The main deal breaker that Jason and Sarah kept coming back to time and time again, and persistently failed to resolve was Jason's use of bad language in a sexual context. Now that Jason was considering talking us on, he had pumped up the tempo, but Sarah stubbornly dug her heels in every time he called her his slut or whore. Her unrelenting resistance, to what Jason felt was a vital element to the relationship, was clearing driving him mad with frustration. He didn't give up though - he must have been quite taken with her.

At this early stage I still hoped we could salvage something, but Sarah was ruining it. However, by the end of the weekend I too was questioning the situation. When it became clear that Master Jay does not do compromise, I had to sit back and ask myself if I was prepared to accept the level of humiliation he expected of me.  Now I don't mind Sarah teasing me a bit about her younger lovers being more virile than me, as I was that once too. But hard-core abuse just doesn't do it for me. Another question mark was his requirement of celibacy on my part. Sarah and I love each other very much, and therefore enjoy a regular and fulfilling sex life. In addition, I also look forward to the opportunity of other women as part of this journey, and Sarah would particularly enjoy watching this. Ian understood this need, and had always agreed to allow me a treat in the form of another woman as a reward for being a good cuckold. He had understood that if I gave him my wife, there had to be something in it for me. Throughout this whole process Jason could not get his head around the fact that I want to sleep with other women. I think he thought this was an impossible emotion for a cuck, and concluded that this non-textbook anomaly, must be a byproduct of Sarah not fully supporting my cuckold journey.

As I concluded in Part 1 of this series, I am an Alpha Cuck - I love to watch my wife's sexual enjoyment with others, but being forbidden any sex, and conceding all control of our sex life to someone else just won't work for someone like me. Maybe we were wrong to pursue this, given that I am not the true cuckold Jason needs. But in my defence, what he was offering definitely appealed to one part of my psyche, even though the alpha male in me could not do this 24/7. Bit by bit the situation deteriorated. Certain no go areas were entered for both Sarah and I, and the whole thing entered melt down.

In my opinion Jason is his own worst enemy, and has probably thrown away what could gave been amazing. He is still searching for his ideal cuckold couple, if such an ideal exists. Had he been prepared to meet us at the level we were at and negociate, he might have got us to a higher level eventually. Perhaps not the full package, but enough for most of his needs to be met. 

I quickly moved on and forgot all about it. We were, by this point, back in touch with Ian, and there were promises of more fun. So I couldn't understand why Sarah and Jason continued to communicate in a sexual manner. Part of Sarah still hankered after a D/s relationship with Jason, and he clearly thought there was something still there. Sarah believed Jason was regretting throwing the baby out with the bath water, and she was considering backing off on the explicit sexual language. She suspected that he badly wanted her as his sub, which she felt gave her a good chance of working something out with him. Unfortunately, by this point I'd lost interest. And this was exacerbated by the fact that Jason had ceased talking to me. He only ever texted Sarah, and whenever I tried to reach out to him, he tended to respond quite briefly, if not curtly. I was convinced he hated me, although I cannot fault how he treats me in person. Whatever the problem with me, it is quite clear that the friendship is with Sarah. I have no problem if they want to enjoy some text banter, or play in my presence at sex parties. But if I were to reconsider a more permanent arrangement, there would have to be a better connection between Jason and myself. If not then Sarah is just going to have to get over it.

Confessions of an Alpha Cuck (part 1) - by Dale

Sarah has asked me to give a reflection on my journey to date. I haven't written anything since my description and reflection of our last encounter with Ian in early September. Five months on, it seems a good time to reconsider how I now feel about that fateful night, and what I am really looking for in this journey.

Communication with Ian, since our last meeting, had been sporadic at best.  He had privately confided in me how mega busy he was with his business, and we knew he was having to go to Europe a lot. So although Sarah took a negative view, I tried not to read too much into it. The break, however, had given me a chance to further reflect on what went wrong at the club, as described in our blogs 'From the frying pan to the fire' and 'badly burnt'.

Sarah's persistant desires to be someone's sub had increasingly bothered me. I felt that I was in danger of losing control of the situation, and another man controlling my wife may be detrimental to our marital well-being. The reality had confirmed my doubts, and indeed put me in a particularly bad space for some time afterwards. Sarah finds it difficult to understand why I did not like her being controlled by Ian, in particular performing on a stranger's cock under his instruction. The main reason for my discontent is that I felt marginalised and pushed out, whilst Ian and Sarah had all the fun. I realise that a true cuck should enjoy every minute of this humiliation, and lap up the scene played out for him. But this was not the case for me. 

After a lot of soul searching, and reading up on the internet, I came to the conclusion that I am in fact an Alpha Cuck - I derive pleasure from Sarah being a Hotwife, but I prefer to control how and when this happens. What Ian did failed to give me any pleasure, and not being included in the proceedings led, at the time, to resentment. I do not hold this against Ian - I actually have a great respect for him (and indeed great affection). In my opinion this transgression was one misjudgement of a man who had historically been impeccable at ensuring my inclusion. The event did however colour my thinking for some time. 

Be that as it may, Sarah had continued to declare herself a sub, and therefore in need of a Dom in her life. Although I have now moved on from the incident with Ian, I am not sure I agree with her assessment of her character; she is so lippy and volatile! But if I am wrong, with our home life being such a power struggle for control, I am still unsure if I can accept another man waltzing in and telling her what to do, and her complying unquestioningly. But out of love for my wife, and in recognition of her desires, I have agreed that she may pursue this path. However, Sarah is well aware of the need for some heavy negotiations with me. And in light of the above, maybe some sort of joint Domship too !!!

This of course was theoretical. For all of Ian's exciting text messages we have reached the conclusion that he is probably 80% a fantacist. We know that, if he has time, he will indulge in play and include some D/s roleplay if required. But as much as he is incapable of commiting to a vanilla relationship, he is probably equally as incapable of commiting to the threeway relationship that he likes to talk about in text messages. This was a shame because Ian works for both on so many levels. The theory he speaks of is entirely in line with my thoughts and desires, and if he could just deliver I think that the relationship between the three of us would be ideal. However, if we were to be active within this lifestyle we had to explore other paths.

By mid autumn Sarah had had enough of the lack of communication, that she finally agreed to make more positive steps towards searching for a new Bull, and going to clubs without Ian. She was also getting hungry for more unbridled passion!  We therefore went back to our well tested method of advertising on Craigslist. However after a number of disastrous dates we reached the conclusion that Craigslist is full of fantasists and time wasters. We revamped our profile on a swinging website, and had our first date with Master Jay, as described in 'fifty shades darker', 'six days as one of Master Jay's submissives' and 'fifty shades of a cuck'. The next blog gives my perspective on our relationship with an extreme Dom Bull....

A gift from Master Jay

Master Jay had always promised us that if it didn't work out with him, he would help us find someone more suitable from his seemingly extensive catalogue of 'Black Bulls'. Despite the frequent fallouts, Jason was true to his word.

In the week between Christmas and New Year we had a message from a guy called Mark. Jason had recommended him some weeks back, but Mark had not responded when Dale reached out via the swinger's website. This was understandable - this young educated black stud was drop dead gorgeous with a body to die for. Someone like him would have no need for middle aged women like myself. After all if I was struggling to hold the interest of reasonably attractive men like Ian, then I would have no chance with sex gods like Mark. I started to wonder if Master Jay had something to do with this turn of good luck.

'How's it going with Mark?' Jason texted a few days later. So this was his doing. 'Say thank you Jason' he said. I rolled my eyes and texted 'thank you'.

I felt bad though. Jason had really wanted me to be his sub, so to set us up with someone else (and on that matter the hottest black man in the South East), was a huge act of kindness. I asked Jason if he minded. Not because I believed it was his business or that he had a right to mind, but simply because I didn't want any discomfort. But to my surprise he said he didn't  mind as long as he was kept informed! He said that he would ensure Mark understood his right to claim me back when he was ready!

So that was what this selflessness was all about! Dale and I were gobsmacked!

Jason frequently complains that I am a confusing person, and that I send confusing conflicting messages about what I want. In my defense I would say that I am sexually attracted to Jason and simply fail to hide how I feel. That is not confusing - I desire something that, for a number of reasons, I can't have. I admit that, because of the mutual attraction, we are both guilty of leading each other on. But that is another issue. What now seems to be the case is that Jason, who rejected us as his cuckold couple (albeit a joint decision), apparently still had a claim on me. Now that's confusing!

Jason knew that we were back in communication with Ian. He had said he was happy for us, but I doubted the sentiment was genuine, and if I'd been in his shoes I would be pissed off. Then the penny dropped. Clearly if he couldn't own us as his cuckold couple, he would find another way of controlling our sex life. He knew that his control of us would cease should we go back to our former Bull.

But one of his Black Bulls - well that was maybe within his scope of influence!

And so the man, who desperately wanted me as his own, had set me up with the finest Black Bull on his Rolodex - one so fit he knew I couldn't fail to notice. Even if it meant marginalising the Master himself, allowing me a harmless playmate, maybe enough to remove the real threat to his position. Getting rid of our former Bull would enable him to maintain some control in my life! And besides, if I had become Master Jay's official sub, I would only have been allowed to sleep with black men of his choice. So Mark, I would've been fucking anyway. But a white guy like Ian - out of the question!