The big black lie (by Dale)

So I no longer wanted to be a cuckold. Although my earlier thought process was that I could have an active role in the swing scene and have my cuckold fantasies realised too, the life Master Jay had had in mind for me had completely turned me off cuckoldry. And now that Mark had shown me that I hadn't yet reached an age where the best I could do was sit in the corner watching young studs amuse my wife, I was chomping at the bit for more sex. MMF, MFF, group orgies, gangbangs. You name it I was up it all. The only thing I didn't want was to be cuckolded. That thought left me feeling cold, and bit by bit Sarah and I airbrushed all remnants of Master Jay and his followers from our life.

And after the first swing party with Mark, as described in the blog 'more about Mark', followed by a private party at Jonny's, as described in 'more about Johny', my mojo was almost back. However, I was finding the pace faster than it had been years ago when I was the young stud on the swing scene, and I realised I would need to be pushier were I to achieve any serious action. I was still very conscious of my age with so many fit thirty something year old studs having now taken my place. But I was not to be beaten, and I would not give in to what Master Jay had believed me to be. I did realise after all, that although the younger studs did indeed have an easier time, the swing scene was still full of older men all having fun with their wives, and fun that's a far cry from becoming an impotent cuckold !!

Two months after the party with Mark, we arranged to attend another party with him. We had been chatting online to a couple in their fifties in the weeks leading up to the party, so were delighted to finally make their acquaintance. Sharon was everything her profile promised - pretty, petite and slim with humongous breasts, easily a G! We were both panting with anticipation at the sight of her amazing body. Sarah did a great job warming them up; her first time chatting up a woman. Ironically Mark was the stumbling block, as Sharon and Tony had a "no single man" rule. There was a look of bemusement on Mark's face, who with his Hollywood looks and body, was not accustomed to rejection !! However, Tony, who was even older than me, probably realised what a good catch my relatively younger wife was, therefore was willing to break the rule that we suspect he had enforced to protect himself from being cuckolded to young studs like Mark. Wise man !!! And so the five of us had a mini orgy, egged on by a crowd of about about a dozen men, with Sarah enthusiastically having her face fucked by Tony, and Mark and I taking it in turns to pleasure the buxom Sharon. I realised with certainty what utter crap Master Jay had been feeding us !!!

A couple of weeks later we attended a private party hosted by another Dom, an interesting Autralian called Bruce, who was a good friend of Mark's. Bruce is cut for the same cloth as Jason and had somewhat overlapping circles. He too was in support of white women being slutty in the presence of black men. However, as a caucasian himself, was not in support of the sissification of white men. I realised that Bruce's approach was much more in line with my own ideas, and it did not surprise me to hear that Bruce and Jason were not fond of each other. Bruce's party was a fairly normal London swing party, with a mix of couples of different ages and interests. Tony and Sharon were there, and we were delighted to see Alex and Laura whom we had played with at Jonny's house party in April. There was another surprising blast from the past in the form of Carl, the young Black Bull who had shown interest in Sarah back in January at Master Jay's hotel party. He was delighted to see us again. His life had since changed somewhat, as he now had on his arm a delicious piece of young white posh totty.

It wasn't long before the action started, and Sarah and I were in the thick of it. Any thoughts of being Master Jay's compliant cuckold couple were long forgotten. The event of most significance for me was fucking Carl's girlfriend, Poppy. In fact, not only did I fuck the young white girlfriend of one of Master Jay's prize bulls, I also left her begging for more !!! And flying in the face of Master Jay's philosophy that the black men rule sexually, this BBC Bull didn't seem to mind in the least - Carl was far too busy elsewhere to be overly concerned! I realised that away from Master Jay's watchful eye, his Bulls probably didn't care about the sexual etiquette of black versus white. It was clear we were all out to have a good time regardless of race !!

I had for some time become disillusioned with the interracial sex scene. Sarah had always been indifferent to race anyway, although was prepared to do it for me. My initially thinking had been that a Mandingo party would be full of fit, well-hung specimens with smooth velvety skin, ready to service my wife as I had long dreamed of. The reality was that the BBCs of Mark's quality were few and far between. After twice being hosted by Master Jay we were leaning towards a view that most of his so-called Black Bulls would have stood little chance on the regular swing scene had they been white, and the success of some of these otherwise ordinary men was completely dependent on a current fashion for white women to fuck black men irrespective of other redeaming qualities they may hold!

Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy my wife being fucked by a black man. The skin contrast is hugely erotic and I love that rhythmic way that they move their round backsides. We have since chatted with other people who have enjoyed Master Jay's parties, amongst other interacial parties. They enjoy them for the same reasons I may have done, had it not been for the negative impact he had on us. Like me many husband's like to watch their wives being fucked by BBC. They are happy to sit back and watch for the night. This does not make them sissy cucks, and on another night such husbands, including myself, expect to be having fun themselves.

But I agree with Sarah that there has to be standards. There are many white men that my wife would not touch with a barge-pole, so why should she expect any less just because the man is black.  If I want to see Sarah fuck a black man, then I will handpick the best, in the same way I handpick the best white men for my wife. And this can well be a achieved without us having to attend the type of party where the only role for me is to be a sissy cuck !! I want to play too and discovering that I can still play, it has become clear to me that the interracial sex scene, with its BBC obsessed woman who won't give me a look-in simply because I'm white, has absolutely nothing to offer us!

A cuckold's dillusion (by Dale)

Our acquaintance with Master Jay, towards the end of last year, had placed us on the fringes of the Mandingo scene. My Twitter followers will be well aware of my long term fantasies around BBC, and I had initially embraced a friendship with Jason aware of the doors he could open for us. And with my interest in cuckoldry and Sarah's interest in being dominated, it seemed there could be winners all round.

However in reality, not only did I find the interracial sex scene not all it was cracked up to be, I also became increasingly disillusioned with Master Jay and his uncompromising pushiness. His insistence that I was in my heart a sub cuck and that Sarah was denying me a true happiness, that he believed I could only achieve through celibacy and completely subservience to her and her Bull's sexual needs, was irritating at best. But his latter marginalisation of me was something that I was not prepared to accept. I tried to keep a communication going, but it became obvious he had no time for me now that I wasn't going to be a compliant cuck. But instead of walking away, Jason continued to develop a personal friendship with my wife, whilst as good as blanking me. We had heard through a few independent sources that Jason had a habit of becoming fixated on a sub, and it had been implied that Sarah was his latest obsession.

I observed for some months his bizarre hot and cold behaviour towards Sarah, who in turn seemed to take pleasure in teasing and winding him up. I tried to turn a blind eye and focused on generating fun elsewhere for Sarah and myself. Adamant that I was not the sissy cuck Jason made me out to be, I made extra strides to get laid ASAP. But more than ten years since I had last been on the scene, I found my confidence somewhat dashed; single woman clearly wanted either BBC, or guys under thirty, or other woman. They did not want fifty something year old white men, even though I am considered goodlooking and youthful for my age. Jason who is the same age as me, with an olive skin tone that could hardly allow him to pass as BBC, had probably figured this out too and hence had become a Dom. This way he was able to offer something that the more desirable younger men did not yet have the maturity to give.

I found an ally in Mark, Sarah's most recent conquest at that time. Although one of Master Jay's official Black Bulls, he had privately expressed his dissatisfaction with the interracial swing scene. With his exceptional good looks and sophistication he was a favourite amongst the women who vowed to be 'BBC only', as well as being very popular amongst women who were racially indifferent. However, he was tired of these one track-minded black cock obsessed women treating him like a commodity simply because of his race. His experience of Mandingo parties had also made him intimately familiar with the culture promoted where black men rule sexually and white husbands are sissified. And so acutely aware of what Jason had tried to do to me, this intelligent educated black man had made it his business to help restore my confidence as a player. Although we don't see so much of Mark any more, I am eternally grateful for the efforts he made to help me get back into active play, as described in 'more about Mark', and this help restore my confidence on the scene.

Two months on, Sarah and I are very much active players on the swing scene and we are loving every minute of it. Of course, at my age I don't expect to seamlessly move from woman to woman the way Mark does, and I accept that some of the younger single ladies may be out of the question. But I have certainly proved myself popular with many stunning Hotwives, and I'm glad to report that my cock has definately been appreciated !!! It seems that despite my age I have not lost my touch, and the thought of me sitting in a corner wearing a cage is now a bizarre concept.

The cuckold theme that Ian and I had explored for more than a year and a half had got right to the heart of my darkest innermost fantasies. Ian had understood what I needed, he knew what buttons to press without pissing me off. And when it didn't work out with Ian, I was initially prepared to try and replace him. But what Ian had spent so long developing in me, Master Jay managed to kill in a couple of months. The way I feel now is that I would only ever do this for Ian. There was a spark between the three of us that, had Ian's circumstances been different, would have made the dynamics for this special and unique type of three-way relationship work.  And as Ian doesn't want this any more, I will not be a cuckold to anyone else. Jason's warped and destructive ideas have ensured that stage of my life is over. 

Except maybe in my darkest fantasies, when I'm making love to Sarah in the privacy of our bedroom and she tells me a story.....

 

A fantasy milked dry

The same week that Jason and I finished whatever it was we had, Dale and I also came to the decision that we would not be contacting Ian again. If I had thought five months with Jason was long enough to be milking a fantasy, after nearly two years of texting Ian it was reasonable to say that that fantasy had been well and truly milked dry!

Dale and I have our reasons for clinging onto this fantasy, but with so much 'real' stuff starting to happen in our lives, it was time to call it a day. I haven't written much about Ian since the start of this year, largely because my attentions had been temporally distracted by the seemingly more accessible Jason. However, despite Jason persistently hovering temptingly in the background, we had nonetheless allowed Ian to drift in and out of our life in the earlier part of 2015. And Jason's intermittent coolness, towards the end of the winter, allowed my interest in Ian to reignite. But the pattern proved to be the same as always - long periods of enthusiastic text banter, followed by unexplained episodes of disappearance.

It was finally arranged for Ian to come our house for the night in early spring. This was an idea he had first initiated a year ago so that we could role-play him breeding me in the marital bed whilst I wore bridal lingerie. And variations of this fantasy had often been the subject of many hours of text banter. With a date finally in the diary, text messages between Ian and Dale once again reached a crescendo of excitement. And Ian pandered to my fantasies too by describing how he would put me in a dog collar and lead me upstairs to the marital bed, where I was to totally submit to him. But in a whole year he had always failed to find the time to deliver on this fantasy, and I feared it was too good to be true.

And it was - he cancelled. His excuse was a last minute work dinner with important clients from the States that he couldn't get out of. He was hugely apologetic and said he'd make it up to us. And we didn't doubt his sentiment was genuine. But we didn't believe his excuse, and certainly didn't believe that he would make it up to us! We didn't know if he had lost his nerve when the prospect of the fantasy was about to become reality, or if there is something about his life that persistently prevents him giving us that kind of time. Historically, dates with Ian have always been shoe-horned in and time-restricted, despite the frequent text chat implying the type of three-way relationship that required a greater investment of time should it be fulfilling to all three of us.

This let-down was followed by another disappearance. And just as we were concluding it was better to leave it this time, he reappeared with apologies for 'radio silence' and excuses of family crises. Conversation started up again but was swiftly followed by another disappearance when we tried one final, and at this point, half hearted attempt to turn fantasy into reality. This time we threw the towel in.

Enough, we though. We had been milking this fantasy for the best part of two years and it had been finally milked dry. We know, and I've no doubt Ian knows, that he can't do this. Only Ian knows why he can't do this, and for whatever reason he doesn't want to tell us.

The whole experience with Ian has been a complete enigma. We are at a loss as to what the problem is. We know he is real because we met him on five occasions. And we know exactly who he is; he has never hidden that - we have always known his full name, birthday, where he works etc. But he is incredibly cagey about his personal life. We suspect he has a girlfriend who has become more serious, and what was difficult for him when we first has now become impossible.

Why won't he just tell us he can't do this? I guess he doesn't want to admit it - that will mean the end of a fantasy for him too.

So why have we kept this going for so long? The initial reason is that Dale and I both became addicted to the fantasy text messages. The text message relationship and the fantasy it provided had become an integral part of our life. And because we had met him on a few occasions, thus giving us a taste of the fantasy, we had reason to believe it was real. However in the absence of completely converting the fantasy to reality, text messaging was getting increasingly repetitive as we ran out of new sexual scenarios to explore. 

But the other reason we clung on is because, to this day, he is the only one who has understood what Dale and I need as a couple. This man not only had the ability to get me into sub space without even touching me, but knew how to excite Dale's cuck fantasies without antagonising the alpha male in him. Admittedly (and probably selfishly) Ian misjudged our needs when he took us to the club, but for the larger part of the friendship he was spot on in the way he groomed us into eating out of his hand.

Much later, when we met Jason, we learnt about the phenomena of being owned as a cuckold couple. Looking back, despite this being something Jason had offered us, I can see now that this was actually exactly what Dale and I had desired from Ian, and exactly what Ian had implied he would give us. At the time we understood little about being owned, but my desire and need for Ian to be in control of mine and Dale's sex life was profound.

And that is why we found it so devastating when he didn't deliver. As I said in a previous blog, 'a glimpse through the window of the candy store', we have experienced the intense disappointment of a child who has been shown the sweet shop then told "this is what you can't have". One of our first blogs 'Ian, the perfect Bull' was written on the back his promises to achieve Dale's cuckold fantasies and my sub fantasies. To have this nirvana taken away from us has been a disapointment that neither of us could understand.

I am very angry with Ian for his behaviour, largely for leading us on and not delivering on his promises. But I am also angry with him for not having the courtesy of honouring us with an explanation as to why he hasn't delivered on his promises. Or at the very least given us an apology, or even an acknowledgement, for the fact that we have been messed about. And so, unlike with Jason, we are left with a fantasy that has been milked dry, but have no closure nor understanding of what went wrong.

Two months on I'm finding that the problems we had with Ian, that I had thought may have been typical of these thirty something year old bachelors who dislike commitment, are actually not issues that we generally have to face with other single guys on the scene. Admittedly nobody is perfect, and single men, especially those in London, do seem to march to a different beat than suburban married folk like ourselves. However I see now that Ian is on a different level when it comes to 'batchelor syndrome'; he is wired up differently from anybody else I know, thus making him so impossible. And that's why he was happy to just live a fantasy. And I hate to admit this, but that's also why this otherwise fairly ordinary man was so desirable!

Ironically Dale and I are now having so much fun on the swing scene, that despite me still having a desire to be owned, but I don't think I really want that any more in practice. If we were to see Ian again, I don't doubt that he would have the same effect on me. But if he were to sort himself out (and I know he never will), I don't think we would be able to recreate what the three of us had. We would of course be happy to incorporate him into our swinging life as one of many play partners, and even include some D/s play. But I am such a different person now, and the fun Dale and I have together make it inconceivable that anybody could now be in control of our sex life. I believe that experience with Ian was unique to a time when Dale and I were naive and new to swinging, and as much as I would like to find that again with someone else, I know I never will. 

Milking the fantasy

It has been over two months since we published our last blog, 'hot sticky sex and a cream pie', and much has happened since that raunchy party at Jonny's batchelor pad back in April. However, we didn't realise at the time that this party may have been the turning point for Dale and I becoming the confident swingers we now feel we are. The first event to happen in the weeks that followed was our decision to call it a day with both Ian and Jason, both men were proving to be a waste of time not to mention emotional energy. I had been starting to find that once the addictive euphoria, caused by the fantasies they created, wore off they had little else to give me.

Last year we had looked to Ian to introduce us to the swing scene. And although Ian was indeed significant in our journey, he did unfortunately turn out to be a red herring, and by the end of the year I felt ready to explore the party and club scene independent of Ian. However, Master Jay had come into our life by this time, and looking back I can see how much he had tried to control us, experiences described in the blogs published in December, January and February. Fortunately our new found friendship with the easygoing Mark was a move towards breaking away from the influence of a Dom, whether that Dom be Ian or Jason. On the other hand Mark had been one of Master Jay's prize Bulls, therefore part of an order where Master Jay was top of the food chain. So with regards to Jason we needed to get out before we were eaten alive!

Jonny's house party was a revelation. There was no pecking order, nobody knew Master Jay, and only one or two of the guests had even vaguely heard of his parties. So I'm unsure if it was Jonny's party that was the catalyst to the well needed clear-out of the closet, or if that party had simply coincided with the point where we had had enough of the bullshit. What was definitely true, was that Jonny's party did give us the confidence to realise our increasing independence in the swinging lifestyle, away from Jason and those who seemed to follow him.

In addition, we had started communicating with another Dom, and although Master Jay may have reluctantly tolerated me having the occasional fuck buddy with his permission, I knew that if I took on a new Dom that would be the end to anything that may have been possible with Jason in the future. Especially a Dom unconnected with him, therefore not possible for him to exert control over the situation! As a result I was fast becoming aware that a decision was imminent.

The last time I saw Jason was at his party in February. That night he had pushed me deeper than ever into sub space. And whilst in a euphoric state with my control relinquished, he looked me in the eyes and told me he would own me one day, that he would impregnate me, and that there was something undeniable between me and him. But in the week that followed, as I came crashing back down from my high, I found that he wasn't there to catch me. This was not unexpected, as he had behaved in a similar way after his private party in January. But what was particularly galling was when I finally managed to chat with him via text, he was blasé about the experience, saying he just played with me because I was there. Then adding salt to the wound he arrogantly informed me that all his Bulls could see that I wanted to be his 'married bitch'!

His attitude was particularly hypocritical because on our first meet he had emphasised the responsibility a Dom has in the emotional aftercare following a D/s experience. He had explained that this was what Ian had got so wrong in his role as my Dom. Jason had not only done the same thing to me, but had also belittled the experience we had had. Ian, for all his faults and lack of post domination effort, would never stoop to such purile bitchy levels.

So why did I cling on? Because on every one of the three occasions we met, despite that fact that we never once had sex, Jason had me eating out of his hands as he swiftly and expertly got me into sub space. Like with Ian, the fantasy had become an addictive indulgence that I was reluctant to do without. Jason is not a handsome man, and certainly not the type I would normally be attracted to. But I guess that's why he's a good Dom - he knows how to manipulate a subs mind to make her believe she wants him. So month after month I continued to milk the fantasy.

Then a month and a half since I had last seen Jason, out of the blue he made me a new offer. His timing was shocking of course as it was just as Dale and I were starting to really enjoy the swing scene on our own. However, this time his offer was different - he was prepared to negotiate certain terms. The explicit sexual language was non-negotiable he told me, and although it didn't do anything for me I was now used to it. At best I was indifferent. I had reflected that if he needed that to get his kicks, I was prepared to accept with a view to the bigger prize of being Master Jay's submissive. But it seemed he was finally backing off on restricting Dale's and my sexual freedom. I suggested that if he were to be my master, I should ask his permission if I wanted to play with one of my fuck buddies. Maybe as a reward for good behaviour! Importantly I told him I couldn't agree to anything without Dale's consent and it was up to him to work that out with Dale.

But Jason didn't complete the conversation with me and certainly didn't approach Dale with his new proposal. I asked him later that week if he had changed his mind, but didn't receive a straight answer. I realised what was going on - he wanted it, but knew I couldn't give him what he needed, so was backing off again. Why wouldn't he just say that it was a bad idea? Because that will kill the fantasy. I often remember him lying on top of me the last time I saw him, with him telling me I would be his one day. He knew and I knew that this was just fantasy, but we enjoyed it at the time. Ok so he denied this sentiment the following week, which was hurtful, but I guess in the cold light of day he couldn't handle a fantasy that wouldn't never come to fruition. He too was guilty of milking the fantasy.

Jason is a self-declared Jekyl and Hyde character. So much of the time he is gentle, caring and would go out of his way to make me feel special. But it was always horrible when he turned, and eventually I tired of him blowing hot and cold with me. I heard through the grapevine that him and his main sub were having a house party. The chronology would have been that the arranging of this party was synonymous with him reopening discussions with me about a D/s relationship. Despite what was happening between me and him he had decided not to invite us. For me this insult was the last straw.

With the possibility of meeting a new Dom, our increased independence on the swing scene, and probably the fact that the bullshit had gone on for long enough, I decided it was time to have it out with Master Jay once and for all. To be fair to Jason the text conversation that took place was a calm and honest discussion. He apologised for leading me on, but acknowledged that I can't give him what he needs. He also acknowledged that Dale and I wanted to explore the swing scene, and that he didn't want to stand in the way of that.

And then he told me something that made me see the situation in a different light. He explained his forthcoming house party would be unsuitable for Dale and myself, as the women were expected to totally submit to blackcock worship, and the husbands would all enjoy be humiliated as white sissy cucks. All of a sudden I felt a veil lift, and I saw Master Jay in his true colours. He had not told me anything new, but my desire to be dommed by him meant I hadn't listened. And likewise, his desire to dom me had prevented him walking away sooner.

But when the veil lifted, I found myself feeling reviled by this extreme aspect of the sex scene that Jason and a few of his followers have embraced - the glorification of sluttiness, black cock worship, and the humiliation and sissification of white husbands. I do realise that as a swinger I am certainly not in a position to judge, but the hard truth in the cold light of day simply sickened me. What Jason had wanted us to get involved with was a far cry from the direction Ian had tried to encourage me, and bore no relation whatsoever to the uncomplicated free-spirited sex that everybody enjoyed at Jonny's party. At Jonny's there was no concept of women being 'slutty' for the men's pleasure; if that is the word of choice to describe sexual freedom then both men and women were all 'sluttly' together. And there was certainly nobody at Jonny's getting their sexual kicks out of watching another person being degraded. Indeed when Ian and Dale had their long text conversations about cuckoldry, the concept of turning Dale into a 'sissy' and humiliating him was never expressed as something that would turn Ian on.

I could see now how unsuitable Jason's brand is for us. He had always told me that ordinary swinging is no longer of interest to him, and indeed fun uncomplicated sex does nothing for him any more. He always said he 'needs an edge'. I reflected that one goes into the swing scene to embrace sexual liberation, but I wondered is there a point when this is no longer enough? I admit that I too have gone in search of an edge, a psychological element to make sex more interesting. So when does this need for an 'edge' go too far? 

But it was a respectful conversation. We both realised that we couldn't keep this fantasy going indefinitely. And despite both of us being guilty of milking the fantasy to the max, I appreciated that when pushed he had the decency to honour me with a conversation and explanation. Thus I was able to get closure on this chapter of our journey.