Clearing the way for the Perfect Bull

The past couple of weeks have been nerve-racking and at times disappointing.

Dale reached out to Ian for the first time since things went wrong in the autumn. That was positive. Ian is looking forward to the meet. They have agreed a time and a place, and they have explored a fantasy about Ian touching my bare thigh in the pub and maybe even gently stroking my clit......I took a sharp intake of breath when I was showed that text messages. However, I am still very nervous about whether it will really come off given Ian's track record over the past eight months. So with this uncertainty in mind I was relieved that a date with Jerry was planned for the week before - that made Ian seem less important.

Then disaster hit with Jerry......

Dale texted him to arrange details for our date. It took Jerry several days to reply and this worried me - he had already postponed earlier this month. Eventually when he did get back to us it was not good news.  He was very sorry but had met someone so had to cancel. Ever the gentleman he softened the blow by saying that I was beautiful and sexy and that if his situation changed he would be back in touch. I was at first very hurt and disappointed but realising he is a single man whose life is likely to change quickly I decided to reply to the text. I thanked him for letting us know and for being honest, and confirmed that it would be no problem if he ever did wish to get back in touch. And that I thought would be that - at least for now.

Oddly he texted straight back expressing his appreciation for my understanding, and that he looked forward to renewing our acquaintance, and was certain we would be together intimately again. This surprised me and gave me mixed emotions. I could understand if he had met someone, but now he was implying it wasn't that serious and that he was just parking us for the duration of the relationship. I wasn't sure whether to be offended that he was pushing me to one side due to a better offer, or flattered that despite having a new girlfriend he still wanted me. I did, however, have the greatest respect for his honesty which I find is a rarity these days. So after thinking about it for the morning I realised he was keeping the door open and that cutting of my nose to spite my face would not do me any good as I know how difficult it is to find a suitable man in this situation. I extended the hand of friendship to him - apart from anything else it is nice to have friends in the lifestyle who understand which is more or less what I told him. He then requested to exchange kinky text messages with me from time to time. 

Well that I hadn't expected either. So now I'm confused. He clearly has no intention of staying faithful to this girl if he wants to sext me, in which case he may as well have met us as planned. Dale says I'm being harsh, as from the male perspective there is a big difference between sending naughty text messages and actually having sex, the latter being disloyal to his new girlfriend, the former is okay. Let's see where this goes ...........

The other recent disappointment is that David seems to have turned out to be a one night stand. Dale got in touch but to no avail. I think Dale was more upset than me because he is truly obsessed with me having sex with a black man. David was gorgeous, polite and educated - exactly what we always look for, but the circumstances never gave me a chance to get to know him so I don't feel I'm missing anything. The only problem is that Dale now has a taste for it and if he doesn't get his fix from me being with David, he will start hounding me to find another BBC and I don't know if I can keep up with Dale's needs.

Fortunately there is Ian whom we are seeing next week. Strangely I don't feel quite so excited about that now. It is Jerry I want, however, this new found complacency with Ian may be a good thing. I am now well prepared for it not to work with Ian. I will not accept anything less than what I deserve, and if Ian is not a true gentleman when we meet, I am ready to walk away.

On the other hand, perhaps the disappearance of Jerry and David means that it is meant to be with Ian, after waiting for 8 months for him. Maybe fate is just clearing the way for my Perfect Bull!