Confessions of an Alpha Cuck (part 2) - by Dale

After revamping our profile on the swingers website, we promptly received a message from Master Jay. My first communication with him some months back had been swiftly batted away, as this master of masters clearly had little time for novices. It soon became obvious that Jason was the godfather of D/s and interracial swinging, and that if we could get in with him then we would be all set. Numerous text messages were exchanged as he tried to get the measure of us, and eventually an agreement was reached to meet for a drink.

Sarah and I were in two minds on meeting Jason. I thought I was 80% what he was looking for, however, Sarah was probably only 40% there. I felt this was something that we could pursue, but feared Sarah's argumentative nature would ruin it for us. However, collectively we were concerned that Jason was too extreme, but hoped the three of us could work together in finding a common ground to start from. How wrong we were !!

We met Jason in a pub half way between where we both lived and, as we were there first, I went to the bar to buy the first round. Jason arrived and after saying hello to me, went in search of Sarah. He was extremely courteous in his manner and very pleasant to talk to. He was not the intense hard core Dom of the texting, and we felt that maybe we'd been a little harsh in our initial assessment.

Admittedly Jason is not the kind of man I normally look to as a prospective lover for my wife. He's the same age as me, so is unlikely to be as visually pleasing or as energetic as these thirty something young studs we usually go for. And it's not just Sarah I'm thinking of - don't forget I have to watch !! However, he was an experienced Dom which was something Sarah wanted, and he knew a lot of BBCs whom he could arrange to sleep with Sarah - so not only would I get to see her with a young fit stud, but a young black fit stud !!! Everybody should be happy.

Half way through the evening, whilst I was at the washroom, Jason changed seats, so upon my return, I found him sitting next to Sarah stroking her thigh. She seemed to enjoy this. Progress was being made. The best part was when he leaned in and whispered to her "Would you like to be a black cock whore?"  I did a sharp intake of breath and felt my cock stir at this suggestion. Visions of my sweet wife on a bed being pleasured by a number of chiselled, well endowed black men..... Sadly Sarah was quick to put the damper on that fantasy !!!

I got a lot of pleasure seeing how Jason seemed to be enjoying my wife's body. It was particularly exciting to watch him put his hands on her hips are she squeezed passed him on the way to the washroom, and again upon her return. He must have liked what he felt because, whilst she was in the washroom, he told me he would come home with us that night. Sadly he immediately remembered that he had a family engagement early the next day so had to back track. As it was getting late, and there was now no fun to be had, we decided to call it a night. In the car park, and after I said goodnight to Jason, he moved in to kiss Sarah goodbye. I leant against my car and watch. The kiss lasted quite a while, and Sarah seemed to be very breathless and excited considering it was just a kids. In fact she seemed so turned that I was convinced that he was fingering her under her coat.

Text messages were flying back and forth for the rest of the weekend, but Sarah continued to be argumentative and annoying. Progress was non-existent and at times huge backwards steps were taken, as my wife refused to accept anything Jason was talking about. The main deal breaker that Jason and Sarah kept coming back to time and time again, and persistently failed to resolve was Jason's use of bad language in a sexual context. Now that Jason was considering talking us on, he had pumped up the tempo, but Sarah stubbornly dug her heels in every time he called her his slut or whore. Her unrelenting resistance, to what Jason felt was a vital element to the relationship, was clearing driving him mad with frustration. He didn't give up though - he must have been quite taken with her.

At this early stage I still hoped we could salvage something, but Sarah was ruining it. However, by the end of the weekend I too was questioning the situation. When it became clear that Master Jay does not do compromise, I had to sit back and ask myself if I was prepared to accept the level of humiliation he expected of me.  Now I don't mind Sarah teasing me a bit about her younger lovers being more virile than me, as I was that once too. But hard-core abuse just doesn't do it for me. Another question mark was his requirement of celibacy on my part. Sarah and I love each other very much, and therefore enjoy a regular and fulfilling sex life. In addition, I also look forward to the opportunity of other women as part of this journey, and Sarah would particularly enjoy watching this. Ian understood this need, and had always agreed to allow me a treat in the form of another woman as a reward for being a good cuckold. He had understood that if I gave him my wife, there had to be something in it for me. Throughout this whole process Jason could not get his head around the fact that I want to sleep with other women. I think he thought this was an impossible emotion for a cuck, and concluded that this non-textbook anomaly, must be a byproduct of Sarah not fully supporting my cuckold journey.

As I concluded in Part 1 of this series, I am an Alpha Cuck - I love to watch my wife's sexual enjoyment with others, but being forbidden any sex, and conceding all control of our sex life to someone else just won't work for someone like me. Maybe we were wrong to pursue this, given that I am not the true cuckold Jason needs. But in my defence, what he was offering definitely appealed to one part of my psyche, even though the alpha male in me could not do this 24/7. Bit by bit the situation deteriorated. Certain no go areas were entered for both Sarah and I, and the whole thing entered melt down.

In my opinion Jason is his own worst enemy, and has probably thrown away what could gave been amazing. He is still searching for his ideal cuckold couple, if such an ideal exists. Had he been prepared to meet us at the level we were at and negociate, he might have got us to a higher level eventually. Perhaps not the full package, but enough for most of his needs to be met. 

I quickly moved on and forgot all about it. We were, by this point, back in touch with Ian, and there were promises of more fun. So I couldn't understand why Sarah and Jason continued to communicate in a sexual manner. Part of Sarah still hankered after a D/s relationship with Jason, and he clearly thought there was something still there. Sarah believed Jason was regretting throwing the baby out with the bath water, and she was considering backing off on the explicit sexual language. She suspected that he badly wanted her as his sub, which she felt gave her a good chance of working something out with him. Unfortunately, by this point I'd lost interest. And this was exacerbated by the fact that Jason had ceased talking to me. He only ever texted Sarah, and whenever I tried to reach out to him, he tended to respond quite briefly, if not curtly. I was convinced he hated me, although I cannot fault how he treats me in person. Whatever the problem with me, it is quite clear that the friendship is with Sarah. I have no problem if they want to enjoy some text banter, or play in my presence at sex parties. But if I were to reconsider a more permanent arrangement, there would have to be a better connection between Jason and myself. If not then Sarah is just going to have to get over it.

Confessions of an Alpha Cuck (part 1) - by Dale

Sarah has asked me to give a reflection on my journey to date. I haven't written anything since my description and reflection of our last encounter with Ian in early September. Five months on, it seems a good time to reconsider how I now feel about that fateful night, and what I am really looking for in this journey.

Communication with Ian, since our last meeting, had been sporadic at best.  He had privately confided in me how mega busy he was with his business, and we knew he was having to go to Europe a lot. So although Sarah took a negative view, I tried not to read too much into it. The break, however, had given me a chance to further reflect on what went wrong at the club, as described in our blogs 'From the frying pan to the fire' and 'badly burnt'.

Sarah's persistant desires to be someone's sub had increasingly bothered me. I felt that I was in danger of losing control of the situation, and another man controlling my wife may be detrimental to our marital well-being. The reality had confirmed my doubts, and indeed put me in a particularly bad space for some time afterwards. Sarah finds it difficult to understand why I did not like her being controlled by Ian, in particular performing on a stranger's cock under his instruction. The main reason for my discontent is that I felt marginalised and pushed out, whilst Ian and Sarah had all the fun. I realise that a true cuck should enjoy every minute of this humiliation, and lap up the scene played out for him. But this was not the case for me. 

After a lot of soul searching, and reading up on the internet, I came to the conclusion that I am in fact an Alpha Cuck - I derive pleasure from Sarah being a Hotwife, but I prefer to control how and when this happens. What Ian did failed to give me any pleasure, and not being included in the proceedings led, at the time, to resentment. I do not hold this against Ian - I actually have a great respect for him (and indeed great affection). In my opinion this transgression was one misjudgement of a man who had historically been impeccable at ensuring my inclusion. The event did however colour my thinking for some time. 

Be that as it may, Sarah had continued to declare herself a sub, and therefore in need of a Dom in her life. Although I have now moved on from the incident with Ian, I am not sure I agree with her assessment of her character; she is so lippy and volatile! But if I am wrong, with our home life being such a power struggle for control, I am still unsure if I can accept another man waltzing in and telling her what to do, and her complying unquestioningly. But out of love for my wife, and in recognition of her desires, I have agreed that she may pursue this path. However, Sarah is well aware of the need for some heavy negotiations with me. And in light of the above, maybe some sort of joint Domship too !!!

This of course was theoretical. For all of Ian's exciting text messages we have reached the conclusion that he is probably 80% a fantacist. We know that, if he has time, he will indulge in play and include some D/s roleplay if required. But as much as he is incapable of commiting to a vanilla relationship, he is probably equally as incapable of commiting to the threeway relationship that he likes to talk about in text messages. This was a shame because Ian works for both on so many levels. The theory he speaks of is entirely in line with my thoughts and desires, and if he could just deliver I think that the relationship between the three of us would be ideal. However, if we were to be active within this lifestyle we had to explore other paths.

By mid autumn Sarah had had enough of the lack of communication, that she finally agreed to make more positive steps towards searching for a new Bull, and going to clubs without Ian. She was also getting hungry for more unbridled passion!  We therefore went back to our well tested method of advertising on Craigslist. However after a number of disastrous dates we reached the conclusion that Craigslist is full of fantasists and time wasters. We revamped our profile on a swinging website, and had our first date with Master Jay, as described in 'fifty shades darker', 'six days as one of Master Jay's submissives' and 'fifty shades of a cuck'. The next blog gives my perspective on our relationship with an extreme Dom Bull....

A gift from Master Jay

Master Jay had always promised us that if it didn't work out with him, he would help us find someone more suitable from his seemingly extensive catalogue of 'Black Bulls'. Despite the frequent fallouts, Jason was true to his word.

In the week between Christmas and New Year we had a message from a guy called Mark. Jason had recommended him some weeks back, but Mark had not responded when Dale reached out via the swinger's website. This was understandable - this young educated black stud was drop dead gorgeous with a body to die for. Someone like him would have no need for middle aged women like myself. After all if I was struggling to hold the interest of reasonably attractive men like Ian, then I would have no chance with sex gods like Mark. I started to wonder if Master Jay had something to do with this turn of good luck.

'How's it going with Mark?' Jason texted a few days later. So this was his doing. 'Say thank you Jason' he said. I rolled my eyes and texted 'thank you'.

I felt bad though. Jason had really wanted me to be his sub, so to set us up with someone else (and on that matter the hottest black man in the South East), was a huge act of kindness. I asked Jason if he minded. Not because I believed it was his business or that he had a right to mind, but simply because I didn't want any discomfort. But to my surprise he said he didn't  mind as long as he was kept informed! He said that he would ensure Mark understood his right to claim me back when he was ready!

So that was what this selflessness was all about! Dale and I were gobsmacked!

Jason frequently complains that I am a confusing person, and that I send confusing conflicting messages about what I want. In my defense I would say that I am sexually attracted to Jason and simply fail to hide how I feel. That is not confusing - I desire something that, for a number of reasons, I can't have. I admit that, because of the mutual attraction, we are both guilty of leading each other on. But that is another issue. What now seems to be the case is that Jason, who rejected us as his cuckold couple (albeit a joint decision), apparently still had a claim on me. Now that's confusing!

Jason knew that we were back in communication with Ian. He had said he was happy for us, but I doubted the sentiment was genuine, and if I'd been in his shoes I would be pissed off. Then the penny dropped. Clearly if he couldn't own us as his cuckold couple, he would find another way of controlling our sex life. He knew that his control of us would cease should we go back to our former Bull.

But one of his Black Bulls - well that was maybe within his scope of influence!

And so the man, who desperately wanted me as his own, had set me up with the finest Black Bull on his Rolodex - one so fit he knew I couldn't fail to notice. Even if it meant marginalising the Master himself, allowing me a harmless playmate, maybe enough to remove the real threat to his position. Getting rid of our former Bull would enable him to maintain some control in my life! And besides, if I had become Master Jay's official sub, I would only have been allowed to sleep with black men of his choice. So Mark, I would've been fucking anyway. But a white guy like Ian - out of the question!

No such thing as the Perfect Bull

The page, 'Ian part 1 - the Perfect Bull' describes my immature thoughts, as a novice to this lifestyle, on how Ian was the Perfect Bull. We hadn't met him at that time, but my reasoning, this time last year was that, unlike so many men we chatted to on CL, Ian was not an impatient aggressive charging Bull. He took the slow long term approach to groom me to the space in which he wanted me to be. He never made demands, never set rules - he didn't have to. Instead he used his understanding of psychology to manipulate my mind almost hypnotically. I believe he uses similar techniques to get his own way in business. His does not care for the word 'Bull', and I have to admit, with his soft spoken, somewhat camp demeanour, it actually doesn't suit him.

But this unlikely Bull, sure as hell, knew how to bring me to my knees, make me eat out of his hand. He is the only man to have broken down my barriers from detesting the sight, texture, smell and taste of semen, to have me begging for his cum in my mouth. And then when he was about to shoot onto my waiting tongue, he told me to close my mouth! (This was described in 'a spit roast with cream on top'). He's a clever guy. At the time, I thought he was being considerate. In fact he later told me that he told me to close my mouth because he wanted me to gradually get used to cum. But the reality was that he denied me, so I am now finding I am craving tasting his cream ever more! On reflection I wonder if this was yet another manipulation of my mind to make me want him more. If only he had been more committed, I believe he had the capability of eventually breaking my hard limits of glory holes and gang bangs!

And that is the problem. He is simply not committed enough, and unless that changes, I can never truly submit to him. Despite his alternative approach, which was so effective, Ian has panned out not be the Perfect Bull. He persistently screwed up when it came to organisation, and was next to impossible to pin down. His elusiveness in the early days made me want him more, but now only serves to irritate. He was always lovely when we met, a kind and perfect gentleman. But in between he did not make the effort to keep the relationship going. Although he enthusiastically engages in text banter, that often continues all day, we always had to make the first move. Ian also spectacularly let himself down when he took us to the swing club. He misread what I was ready for, and consequently went charging ahead with what he wanted me to do, justifying to himself that I would love it once he got me there. The final straw was him not being there for me after the experience. There was no point in Ian grooming me into submission if his is not going to see the journey through. This was where Ian's understanding of sub-Dom and Bull-cuck relationships, was limited. He knew how to get us there, but didn't know how to complete the journey. I desperately want to be his sub, but unless he stops being a fantasist and makes it happen we will all miss out on something amazing.

Jason, by contrast, made an effort. We did not have to put up with purile games of having to chase him. He even had the ability to bring out the sub in me in the same way Ian did.  Had it worked out with Jason, I know that he would have been a devoted Dom Bull, committed to the journey we were all signing up for. Unfortunately the explicit language and, what came across to me as, an aggressive and threatening manner, killed the submissive in me as fast as it was created. I accept his style of domination works with some people, but I respond better to having my mind slowly and subtly manipulated. Personally I have more respect for Ian's style - it demonstrates patience, and I admire the way he groomed me to where he wanted me to be by clever use of words. In my opinion there is nothing clever about calling someone a 'slut', and as a result I simply don't find it dominating. As with Ian, I also feel we all missed out. I didn't see why Jason couldn't take a few steps back to our level, and develop us over time to a more advanced level. But I guess Jason can only do this one way.

I find it bizarre that Jason would be so appalled at Ian's pushiness with glory holes, but be so uncompromising with using explicit sexual language. I am sure that Ian would be equally shocked that a prospective Bull would be so insistant on using language I find offensive. Jason told me that all his subs and cucks love the bad language, and Ian told me that all the couples he has been involved with absolutely love the glory hole. Men are happy to be reasonable until their personal 'must do' fantasy is called into question. Dale is the same; he is happy for me to choose my lovers - until he discovers that my taste is different from his!

Since it ended with Jason, we are now back on with Ian. I have spent most of December texting him, and despite the lengthy gap in communications throughout the autumn, it did not take long for text messaging to return to normality - Ian is well up for coming to our house in the New Year and having me bareback in the marital bed whilst pretending to breed me. And before long he was back onto his typical fantasies regarding the involvement of others in our play time. Bla bla. All back to normal. And of course he was back to normal when it came to trying to arrange a date for the New Year - avoidance! Never mind, I have my pen pal back, so I can resume feeding my addiction of Ian's delicious fantasies!

So what are our plans for 2015? Its been a year since we posted our very first blog 'A New Year and back in the saddle'. In 2015 we really do hope to be in the saddle, and this time steering the reigns! We realise that it is futile to entertain any realistic hope of something regular and meaningful with Ian. He is however the only prospective Bull who has stood the test of time with us. We know that if we see him we will have fun, however if we don't, we will have fun anyway. We have decided to give up on searching for Bulls on line, as we have had too many wasted journeys into London for unsatisfactory meets. Instead our plan for the New Year is to hit the swing clubs and parties. Maybe we'll find our Perfect Bull in one of those. And if not we're bound to still have some stories to write!

Fifty shades of a cuckold

I had been somewhat surprised at Dale's initial enthusiasm to being 'owned' by Master Jay. The text chat about breeding and other cuckold fantasies I expected (he missed that with Ian gone), but I could never see Dale giving up his sexual freedom, or agreeing to humiliation. It would be only a matter of time before the alpha male in him rose its ugly head. I have endured Dale's Gemini personality on many occasions during this journey, and it only takes a smallest misjudgement, on the part of myself or the Bull, to upset him. Although Dale enjoys certain aspects of cuckoldry, he is not prepared to sit and watch his wife and her lover give him a porn show. Although that has its place, on the whole, Dale likes and expects to be able to join in at some point.

Ian, who is a very similar personality to Dale, understood him, and always made sure he was given sufficient inclusion, without interfering in my enjoyment with my lover. Dale always appreciated Ian's understanding of his complex character. However, even Ian managed to mess up - Dale had been upset with Ian instructing me to suck the guy in the club, followed by Ian having sex with me afterwards (described in 'from the frying pan to the fire' and 'badly burnt'). Ian must have gotton so excited that he forgot his manners, resulting in Dale feeling left on the sidelines, despite having the opportunity to clean Ian's cum from inside me. Therefore I could not envisage Dale sitting in the corner with a cage on watching Master Jay fuck me, or sleeping in the guest room knowing another man has taken his bed. Comparitive discussions with Ian always involved me sleeping in between my husband and lover.

During the weeks that followed, Jason and I continued to text. I wanted him to fuck me, and he knew it, but he would not do 'ordinary' sex, so I had to go without. We had agreed to stay friends and he wanted to help us find a more suitable Bull. I found myself regretting that it hadn't worked, and wondered if perhaps I should have made more of an effort, not been so obnoxious etc. However, I am aware, after my experience with Ian, how attractive something I can't have is. Jason rejection made him more desirable. However I didn't push for another chance because I knew Dale wasn't a true cuck. Jason however was absolutely insistent that Dale was indeed a true cuck, but it was my complacency, if not negativity, that prevented him fulfilling his true desires and potential in this field.  Jason claimed he knew all there was to know on this subject, and that if I fully embraced my husband as a cuckold, Dale would naturally lose interest in threesomes, sex with me, and sex with others, and be totally committed to mine and my lover's sexual pleasure. 

I repeated this theory to Dale. 'Bollocks' was his response. Dale admitted that he was prepared to explore cuckoldry to a greater level with Jason, than he had done with Ian. However he agreed with me, that for it to work, Jason had to tone it down - being told to 'fuck off' was a step too far! Also Dale had no intention of giving up swinging. And as for ceasing sexual relations with his wife - well that was a non-starter for both of us! There are many shades of grey in the cuckold continuum, and Dale's complex character does not land on solely one part of the spectrum.

Concerned that Jason thought it was me that was responsible for the relationship failing, Dale explained succinctly to Jason exactly what his interests consisted of, and that cuckoldry was only part of the story. Jason apologised to me for his mistake, and told me in the light of this information, any further communication would cause confusion. He was clearly hacked off. He said he had wanted to own us (I guess he felt there was still hope), and now it would never happen. I was upset, as since we had agreed not to continue with the D/s relationship, I had come to value his friendship. But he felt the sexual tension between us was too much, and his mind was made up.

However a week later, Jason was back in touch. It didn't take long for texting to become sexual, and after a few days it was back to normal. Once comfortable, the bad language resumed, and I respectfully requested he stop. He was insistent that this was a necessary element to a D/s relationship, and I would have to live with it. In time I would apparently understand. I suggested that he tones it down and gives me a chance to get used to it, or maybe restricts it to moments of sexual passion. He told me he will respect my hard limits (yet to be agreed), but he does not negotiate, especially on this matter. It seemed, with Jason there was only one shade of grey to describe him, and this was the darkest and most undilutable shade. But we knew that - he had warned us in the beginning, and the three of us were probably foolish to even contemplate this arrangement!

I discussed the matter of the words with Dale, and he advised me to back off on words like slut and whore; that I should take them as a compliment. So I texted Jason to say just that, on the basis that I understood that this was a vital element for him. I did say, however, that I would now like to put my hard limits on the table. He rejected my offer, saying I needed to understand him better. I don't know why I made this offer - there was no real point, as him and Dale no longer communicated. I just guess part of me hankered after what he had to offer.

The final nail in the coffin happened the same night. Jason requested a picture of my eyes. I sent him a topless picture of myself instead. He was not amused, and curtly informed me that he had immediately deleted it. He wanted one of my eyes and had not asked for a 'rude' picture. He implicated my hypocrisy at being so against bad language, but having no problem with sending a picture with my 'tits on display like a page 3 girl'!

I couldn't be bothered any more, and I've no doubt he felt the same way.  

Besides Ian and I have been texting.

Six days as one of Master Jay's submissives

Read the previous blog 'fifty shades darker' for an introduction on our relationship with Master Jay.

It's probably not strictly true that Jason asked me to be his sub. Though he did ask me if I wanted this role, and as the Dom, was very clear that he expected me to ask him for that privilege. And when I texted 'yes' to his question, he immediately texted back that I should ask him nicely if he would be my master. The word 'master' stuck in my throat, and the best I could do was say 'please can I be your sub, Jason?' He told me I would be, once I learnt how to please him and submit. I guess on that basis, I never really was his sub. And besides the whole thing imploded after less than a week without even being consummated. Like Lady Jane Grey, as the uncrowned Queen of England for 9 days, I was Master Jay's uncollared submissive for six days. Fortunately I still have my head!

Text messages continued between us for much of the day. Jason commented on what had happened to me the previous night in the pub car park; how that had demonstrated I was a true sub. He said I wouldn't understand what I was experiencing, nor was I ready to understand it yet. But he started to outline rules and and regulations for my new role. He conceded that I could call him 'Jason', as opposed to his preferred 'Master Jay'. It was very clear I was to put him first at all times (though he did acknowledge that he does not interfere with family or work), and I was to get used to his use of graphic sexual language. However by the afternoon his increasing use of, what I consider, unnecesary bad language was offending me. Being referred to as his 'black cock whore' or 'subslut bitch' made me feel extremely uncomfortable. He also made a serious faux pas in telling Dale, via text, to 'fuck off' as he was 'talking to his new bitch'. I told him that I wasn't ready for this stuff - he had after all promised me the previous night to go a my pace and not subject me to what I wasn't ready for. He told me this is the way he is, and in the light of my objection, he would have to think about it. The text chat ceased abruptly/ I didn't really care. The dominating effect, he originally had on me, had been killed by the explicit language. 

Jason reached out to me that evening, and we had a relatively pleasant chat. When he when texted again a few hours later, the conversation turned sexual. It went fine until Jason informed me that he does not go down on his subs - that is the cuck hubby's role. Oh for goodness sake, I thought! This guy is so doing a spectacular job of telling me why I wouldn't want to go to bed with him! And I recalled how much I had always enjoyed Ian pleasuring me that way. I had thought less about Ian since meeting Jason, the penny finally dropping that I would be better off with a Dom who made an effort. But finding out I would not be experiencing with Jason, something Ian did with enthusiasm (as do most men) reminded me how his patient technique, of gentle persistent persuasion, had me eating out of his hand. I lipped back at Jason, in a particularly unsubmissive way, and a way in which I wouldn't have dared speak to Ian. Jason retorted that I was getting 'too demanding my Bitch' and that I was to do as I was 'fucking told!'

I ignored him. I'd had enough, and so had Dale. In my opinion, he was behaving like a bully, and this only served to bring out the obnoxious in me. He did not seem to be the same Dom Bull, who successfully brought out the sub in me only 24 hours earlier. Ian would never have spoken to me like that - but then he never had to; he created submission in me in a more subtle clever way, playing with my mind to make me want something.

So it seemed that that was the end.

I was wrong. I heard from Jason the next day. He was back to being nice and polite, so I rewarded him for good behaviour by allowing a chat. I didn't see where this was going, and the persistent aggressive language had certainly put me off wanting to be dominated by him. However I did like him very much as a friend - in that capacity I considered him extremly nice and very easy to talk to. He confided that he liked me very much, in fact much more than he had expected. He told me he really wanted me as a sub, but I would have to get over my 'hang ups' of the graphic language. We had a chat about that and nothing was really resolved. I was extremely flattered by his sentiments, and I didn't see why he couldn't tone down the language, maybe until I was more developed in my sub role. However this matter was clearly a deal breaker for him. 

I didn't hear from him for two days, so again I thought that perhaps Jason had realised this was not going to work. Then he reached out again and we texted solidly for three days. He backed off on stuff I didn't like, so slowly the sub in me started to come out. We discussed hard limits, and he reassured that I was not be forced into anything. He was however concerned that Dale had been a bit distant, and that it would not work unless the cuck hubby was fully on board.

This was my concern too. Jason was clearly smitten with me, so I thought we could work something out that was mutually acceptable to both of us. But it bothered me how much of a cuckold Dale was prepared to be. It seemed that Jason was into cuckold humiliation, and Dale and I were very concerned as to what this might entail. Dale being told to 'fuck off' had set off alarm bells; we had disturbing visions of Jason, on being invited to our house, telling Dale to 'fuck off while I fuck my bitch'. Maybe we were over worrying, but Jason was probably too extreme for our comfort levels.

So in truth, I knew the relationship had no future. But I pressed on, partly because I was drawn to him and craved to be a sub, and partly because the child in me was intrigued by the way he chased after me and wondered just how far I could push him.

On the evening of the sixth day I found out exactly how far Jason could be pushed. He informed me that we would only have sex bareback, so I calmly told him that we could consider that in the fullness of time. He stubbornly stood his ground. With his unreasonable demands, my obnoxious side started to raise its ugly head again. I lipped back and discovered that he would take no more! 

Well at least I now knew his breaking point with me!

Come back, Ian - all is forgiven!

Fifty shades darker

Jason (aka Master Jay) is an extreme Dom Bull. So extreme, Ian is a pussy cat by comparison.

But he was very honest from the beginning, and I think we all knew, including Jason himself, that he was too extreme for us. Though some reason the three of us decided to give it a go anyway.

A born and bred Londoner, now living in the Home Counties not far from us, he a is mixed race man of Caribbean origin. Well-spoken and very intelligent, though his early fifties, he is considerably older than what I would normally look for in a lover. Even so, after a lengthy telephone call I was smitten. His voice oozed sex appeal, and he spoke with the same soft authoritative tone that Ian did when in Dom mode. And although I wasn't looking for this, upon experiencing the Dom manner again, I realised how much I missed it. Maybe even needed it.

But, as I said, Jason was extreme, and there was no flexibility in what he had to offer. He was into ownership of a cuckold couple. He has a long term partner who was his official submissive, but he likes to have married subs in addition, where the husbands become his cucks. This involves the married couple ceasing to have sex, and the cuck hubby being completely at service to meeting the needs of the Dom Bull in relation to the wife, to whom he would be the primary sex partner. Naturally his submissives do exactly as he says. Jason haa a particular interest in making his subs, who are always white, fuck black men. He is also into cuckold humiliation, which I was somewhat concerned about.

So although Jason turned me on, I doubted Dale and I could really accept the 'ownership' element. Dale, being a fantasist, and in missing the cuckold psychology from Ian, was well up for this experience. In fact I noticed the look of sheer relief on Dale's face when he got into bed one night, phone in hand, ready to commence a text chat with Jason about me being bred - oh Dale had so missed these pregnancy discussions with Ian!

Jason is an honest man, and he was very honest when he concluded that I was not ready for him. He did however believe that Dale was up for this experience, though I suspected he had misjudged Dale. Nonetheless, he agreed to meet us anyway.

This led to Jason getting my back up for the first time (and as it panned out, wouldn't be the last!) In his role as a Dom Bull, he ordered Dale to find a suitable venue. Dale, in cuck mode, was only to glad to oblige. But the men were forgetting that I, as the lady, need to be impressed by my prospective lovers, and part of that involves the Bull being seen to take charge. I realise that that what Jason did was part of the Bull-Cuck relationship, but to me leaving my husband to make all the arrangements was a cop-out.  What turns me on in a man is old-fashioned chivalry, including arranging the date with the aim of showing the lady a good time. As Jason becoming increasingly bossy with Dale, I feared he would also take an extreme view that, Dale as the cuckold, should pay for all the drinks. This would definitely have been a deal breaker for me. I am a high maintenance hotwife, and will not go to bed with someone who doesn't spend money on me!

We met Jason in a remote country pub, half way between where we and he lives. Fortunately he, not only passed the 'buying drinks' test (many haven't), but was the perfect gentleman to both Dale and myself. He was clearly quite taken with me, and raved on about how he hadn't expected me to be so attractive. I found him shorter and stockier than I had imagined, and I didn't fancy him.

But despite not fancying him, he did turn me on. This was deja vous. I hadn't felt this way since last February when we met Ian for the first time.

We discussed expections, and it was clear that I probably wouldn't be able to keep Jason happy. I wanted this though, and started to feel that I had blown it. When he asked me what I thought, I told him as such. Jason listened without expression, and I wondered what he would tell me when I had finished. Dale went to the bathroom and Jason swapped seats to sit next to me. He took my hand, and to my surprise said softly 'would you like to be my sub?'. His voice was like honey, so erotic. I looked down and didn't answer. I wanted this, but knew he was too extreme. He repeated his question, so I said, 'will you take me as I am?' Dale returned from the bathroom, and he asked me again if I wanted to be his sub. I repeated 'will you take me as I am?' His hand explored my thigh and fingered the top of my stockings. Then he said 'so would you like to be a black cock whore?' Duncan did a sharp intake of breath in his excitement of such a proposition! I was shocked by the bad language, though it was erotically incongruous to his clipped accent and impeccable manners.

We discussed my fears. I told him what had happened with Ian in the club, how I felt I had been pushed into something I didn't want to do. This can be read about in 'from the frying pan to the fire' and 'badly burned'. Jason was appalled at Ian's behaviour. He assured me that, as his sub, he would only demand of me what he knew I was ready for. 'Don't worry' he joked, ' there are no glory holes here!' I looked nervously at the fine oak panelling of the pub wall next to our table, and a crude image floated into my mind!

Then he said to me softly, 'did this guy hurt you?' I said 'yes', touched by his empathy. Jason explained that Ian had messed up by not being there for me after the experience in the club. He said that when a Dom gives his sub an experience, it is essential be available to help her down from the emotional high. He said that was why Ian had left me feeling so empty. What Jason said was the truest thing I had heard in a long time.

He then looked at me, and all of a sudden his manner changed. He started gabbling about how he had thought I wasn't ready for him, but now saw that I am indeed a true sub. I didn't know what I did to make him suddenly say this, but some time later he told me it was facial expressions, looking down etc. Apparently, at that moment, I had exhibited myself as true sub, something, he told me, one can't fake.

Jason then told us that he had to think carefully about whether he could take me on, as he already had two subs. He said he didn't want to abandon me like the other guy. This really opened my eyes; not that he was considering taking me on, nor that  if I accepted I would have been one of many. But that he was actually thinking it through! Such a contrast from Ian, who continuoully disapoints due to unfullfilled promises, simply because he doesn't think!

I needed time out, so excused myself to the toilet. Jason put his hands on my hips as I squeezed past. On my return, he held my hips again as I pushed past him to get back to my seat. He put his hand back on my thigh and told me that him and Dale had discussed him coming home with us that night. My heart leapt for joy, but then he remembered a commitment with one of his children the next day, and said regretfully that he couldn't. I was gutted. I needed this guy to fuck me. After how strongly I felt for Ian, I didn't think I would experience submissive feelings for another guy.

We all left shortly after that. In the car park, just as we were about to say good bye, Jason suddenly kissed me. Gently at first, but when I responded, his kisses became passionate and urgent as his tongue frantically explored my mouth, his hands moving purposefully over my body. I started hyperventilating, the same way I did with Ian as described in the blogs, 'the slow smouldering effects of a hypnotic seduction' and 'fanning the fire with another hypnotic seduction'. I never thought this would happen to me again. His hand moved to my breast, and started squeezing it hard before homing in on my nipple, twisting it between his thumb and forefinger. His passion was rough and forceful, so different from Ian's sensual gentle approach. But the effect on me was the same. As he teased my nipple, he sucked my lower lip then move his mouth to my neck before nibbling my ear. 'Look at Dale' he ordered. I obeyed and saw Dale standing by the car watching.

I turned back to my new lover, who continued kissing my neck. Then he growled in my ear 'you'll do as you're told'. This turned me on so much, but scared me too. Ian never took that tone with me. OMG this was definately fifty shades darker. Still hyperventilating I ran to the car. I couldn't take what was happening to me.

The next day Master Jay invited me to be his submissive and I accepted.

Read 'Six days as one of Master Jay's submissives' to find out what happened next.