Sunday, 20 July 2014

Red herrings on our search for a Bull

So it has now been over a year since Dale and I started this journey, and over a year since we first met Ian on-line. Ian has always been my favourite - not because I am more attracted to him or like him the best - far from it. On those criteria Ed would win hands down. Its just that Ian knows how to get under our skin, such that despite the infinite frustration he causes us, we keep coming back for more. The psychological excitement Ian creates is intense and addictive.

Nontheless, I have always attempted to have 2 bulls at a time. When Ian delivers he delivers extremely well on many levels, but most importantly he gives me what  I need. But I feel it is emotionally safer to not put all my eggs in one basket. With the risk of of getting hurt I feel I should divide my feelings amongst more than one lover, or perhaps more accurately dilute my feelings for Ian by having others. However, recently, my reasons for a secondary lover are more practical - Ian may be good, but the frequency is truly inadequate. The lengthy time periods between dates leaves me permanantly horny and frustrated. So that is really why I need another Bull.

So I tried again to get a date with the fun-loving Jerry, who gave us a truely amazing threesome back in January. I have always considered Jerry to be a potential secondary lover, a stop-gap when Ian is not available. But it was not to be. After our threesome over the New Year weekend, he cancelled a date for late January. He then cancelled another date in mid February, and told us he was starting a relationship so would have to put a halt on playing. We communicated with him in late March and he told us his relationship was going nowhere, and would like to see us again. For the next few months there were  a series of diary clashes, but he always responded with his usual over-the-top exuberance. Then a few weeks ago he suggested a weekday lunch date followed by an 'afternoon of debauchery' in his posh central London flat. Dale and Jerry agreed an afternoon that they could take off work, and 'a picnic and a fingering in Green Park' was very much looked forward to.

Unfortunately circumstances beyond our control forced Dale and I to cancel. Strangely I wasn't bothered. After more than 6 months, the New Year's night of passion in was becoming nothing more that nice memory. Unlike Ian, Jerry is not prepared to keep the flames alive with text messages, so one shouldn't be surprised the fire was going out. We failed to reschedule an afternoon with Jerry, largely due to Dale's work commitments, and I started to wonder why Jerry was being so inflexible. Having lunch followed by fun in the afternoon had been presented as a nice thing to do in summertime. But I was starting to reaslise that, despite his exagerated proclamations to 'move heaven and earth' for a repeat with me, the unflattering truth was that he was actually squeezing me in during office hours because evenings and weekends were taken up by a girlfriend.

I have always understood that much of what he says is BS. Jerry is a charmer, which I fell for and that it fine because I like to be charmed. The charm offensive works, and I guess that is why he is a successful womaniser. But he is clearly no longer an active player on the swinging scene, and that doesn't work for me. I started to wonder if Jerry was perhaps a red herring. He had his uses in breaking me into the lifestyle, but maybe he has no further role now that I am Ian's lover.

I then reflected that Jerry has not been the only red herring. 

Last summer I was communicating with Ed, around the time that Ian and I were starting our cyber affair. I did genuinely like Ed - arguably I was more attracted to him than Ian and I certainly got on better with him. But the obsessive passion already felt for Ian made me nervous, so as with Jerry, it is refreshing to spend time with someone who is fun and easygoing. And as with Jerry, Ed diluted the intensity of what I felt for Ian. Dale and I became such good friends with Ed, and firmly believed that this would be a lasting friendship, but his wife is longer in support of this lifestyle for them, so I guess Ed was also a red herring. 

There have been other dates and communications that held promise and came to nothing, some of which were not for me, but many of whom simply disapeared before meeting. Then there was the drop-dead gorgeous black guy from the naturist club who seemed a possibility. He demonstrated that he understood the dynamics of a three-way relationship, but that ended up being a one night stand. Craigslist is dead, and every potential conquest turns to nothing.

And yet again I am left with good old loyal Ian (and I never thought I would say this about Ian). Perhaps I should smell the roses and realise he is the one who is meant to be my Bull and forget the others. Longevity brings trust, so I now have more faith that he, unlike all the others, is not going to disapear. In fact he once said a touching thing on our second date - 'I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not going anywhere'. I've often reflected on this statement. After all as a single guy, I am conscious that, at any time his life, could change. Jerry ended it with us when he got a girlfriend only weeks after he had told us that he was avoiding relationships at all costs. I have always assumed that one day Ian will hurt me too, as it is only natural that one day he will want to settle down. I had a one point thought it would be Ed who was the safest bet for longevity - unlike the single guys, the lives of married ones are less likely to change. But nobody could have predicted that after years of playing, his wife would pull the plug on the lifestyle.

So realising that Ian is likely to be around for the long-haul with us, I decided the time had some to have my ultimate fantasy fulfilled, and told him I wanted to be his sub....

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