Friday, 26 December 2014

No such thing as the Perfect Bull

The page, 'Ian part 1 - the Perfect Bull' describes my immature thoughts, as a novice to this lifestyle, on how Ian was the Perfect Bull. We hadn't met him at that time, but my reasoning, this time last year was that, unlike so many men we chatted to on CL, Ian was not an impatient aggressive charging Bull. He took the slow long term approach to groom me to the space in which he wanted me to be. He never made demands, never set rules - he didn't have to. Instead he used his understanding of psychology to manipulate my mind almost hypnotically. I believe he uses similar techniques to get his own way in business. His does not care for the word 'Bull', and I have to admit, with his soft spoken, somewhat camp demeanour, it actually doesn't suit him.

But this unlikely Bull, sure as hell, knew how to bring me to my knees, make me eat out of his hand. He is the only man to have broken down my barriers from detesting the sight, texture, smell and taste of semen, to have me begging for his cum in my mouth. And then when he was about to shoot onto my waiting tongue, he told me to close my mouth! (This was described in 'a spit roast with cream on top'). He's a clever guy. At the time, I thought he was being considerate. In fact he later told me that he told me to close my mouth because he wanted me to gradually get used to cum. But the reality was that he denied me, so I am now finding I am craving tasting his cream ever more! On reflection I wonder if this was yet another manipulation of my mind to make me want him more. If only he had been more committed, I believe he had the capability of eventually breaking my hard limits of glory holes and gang bangs!

And that is the problem. He is simply not committed enough, and unless that changes, I can never truly submit to him. Despite his alternative approach, which was so effective, Ian has panned out not be the Perfect Bull. He persistently screwed up when it came to organisation, and was next to impossible to pin down. His elusiveness in the early days made me want him more, but now only serves to irritate. He was always lovely when we met, a kind and perfect gentleman. But in between he did not make the effort to keep the relationship going. Although he enthusiastically engages in text banter, that often continues all day, we always had to make the first move. Ian also spectacularly let himself down when he took us to the swing club. He misread what I was ready for, and consequently went charging ahead with what he wanted me to do, justifying to himself that I would love it once he got me there. The final straw was him not being there for me after the experience. There was no point in Ian grooming me into submission if his is not going to see the journey through. This was where Ian's understanding of sub-Dom and Bull-cuck relationships, was limited. He knew how to get us there, but didn't know how to complete the journey. I desperately want to be his sub, but unless he stops being a fantasist and makes it happen we will all miss out on something amazing.

Jason, by contrast, made an effort. We did not have to put up with purile games of having to chase him. He even had the ability to bring out the sub in me in the same way Ian did.  Had it worked out with Jason, I know that he would have been a devoted Dom Bull, committed to the journey we were all signing up for. Unfortunately the explicit language and, what came across to me as, an aggressive and threatening manner, killed the submissive in me as fast as it was created. I accept his style of domination works with some people, but I respond better to having my mind slowly and subtly manipulated. Personally I have more respect for Ian's style - it demonstrates patience, and I admire the way he groomed me to where he wanted me to be by clever use of words. In my opinion there is nothing clever about calling someone a 'slut', and as a result I simply don't find it dominating. As with Ian, I also feel we all missed out. I didn't see why Jason couldn't take a few steps back to our level, and develop us over time to a more advanced level. But I guess Jason can only do this one way.

I find it bizarre that Jason would be so appalled at Ian's pushiness with glory holes, but be so uncompromising with using explicit sexual language. I am sure that Ian would be equally shocked that a prospective Bull would be so insistant on using language I find offensive. Jason told me that all his subs and cucks love the bad language, and Ian told me that all the couples he has been involved with absolutely love the glory hole. Men are happy to be reasonable until their personal 'must do' fantasy is called into question. Dale is the same; he is happy for me to choose my lovers - until he discovers that my taste is different from his!

Since it ended with Jason, we are now back on with Ian. I have spent most of December texting him, and despite the lengthy gap in communications throughout the autumn, it did not take long for text messaging to return to normality - Ian is well up for coming to our house in the New Year and having me bareback in the marital bed whilst pretending to breed me. And before long he was back onto his typical fantasies regarding the involvement of others in our play time. Bla bla. All back to normal. And of course he was back to normal when it came to trying to arrange a date for the New Year - avoidance! Never mind, I have my pen pal back, so I can resume feeding my addiction of Ian's delicious fantasies!

So what are our plans for 2015? Its been a year since we posted our very first blog 'A New Year and back in the saddle'. In 2015 we really do hope to be in the saddle, and this time steering the reigns! We realise that it is futile to entertain any realistic hope of something regular and meaningful with Ian. He is however the only prospective Bull who has stood the test of time with us. We know that if we see him we will have fun, however if we don't, we will have fun anyway. We have decided to give up on searching for Bulls on line, as we have had too many wasted journeys into London for unsatisfactory meets. Instead our plan for the New Year is to hit the swing clubs and parties. Maybe we'll find our Perfect Bull in one of those. And if not we're bound to still have some stories to write!

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