Friday, 6 February 2015

Obsession addiction - the spell broken

When I started this blog at the beginning of 2013, I published a number of pages summarising our story to date. This included how the, at the time, six month cyber affair with Ian, quickly became an obsessive addiction. As our story with Ian evolved over the next twelve months, it became clear that my obsessive addiction for Ian was showing no signs waning

After a year and a half of communication with this frustrating man, we have become used to his peculiar habits; episodes of enthusiastic text banter, followed by unexplained disappearances where text messages are ignored. The autumn of 2014 was a very long period of minimal communication, to the point that I decided it was time to call it a day. We got involved with Jason, but when that relationship didn't work out, I tried again with Ian. It is a lottery as to whether we catch him at a time when he's not busy, but in mid December luck seemed to be on my side. Ian and I resumed our text message relationship, and it was as though the previous three months of silence had never happened. In fact, Ian's such a flake, he probably had no concept of how much time had gone by. Plans were made for him to come to our house in January, and I was thinking about re opening discussions for a D/s relationship.

But his failure to confirm a date for early January, followed by yet another disappearance for the entire Christmas period, was yet another reminder that we are probably wasting our time. But this time it did not upset me. It merely served to irritate!

So when Jason kissed me at his party last month, it would have been like shooting a sitting duck. I was already going off Ian, Jason just had to finish the job by catching that emotion whilst it was free. Historically I would have forgiven Ian and gone back to yearning to be his sub. This time, a real Dom was standing in the way!

I had started to go into sub space when Jason was kissing me. He didn't get me completely there because I was so nervous. He also told me later that week that he had deliberately held back because he knew I wasn't ready. Even so the feeling, in the early hours of Saturday morning was  strangely euphoric, and I didn't come off my high until Sunday night. For the first time in a year and a half I was no longer thinking about Ian, who, until I met Jason, had been the only man capable of having this hypnotic effect on me.

Then on the Monday after the holiday break, Ian reappeared into existance. Dale told me that he'd received a text message from him, as usual expressing his apologies for his 'late response' quote unquote. But other than a little bit of restored pride, I felt nothing. I was still thinking about Jason. Then I realised my sub feelings had transferred directly to Master Jay! Not that Ian was much use to us anyway - it seemed he had not been well and was due an operation that would put him 'out of commission'! 

I would like to explain what I mean by 'sub feelings'. I am not talking about feelings associated with vanilla relationships. It is not love, affection or infatuation, however I'm not saying that these more typical emotions cannot accompany sub emotions. Indeed, as time went by I certainly became infatuated with Ian, although personally  the love emotion in a D/s relationship doesn't wash with me. No, the feelings I am talking about are very different from vanilla emotions, and I believe are as a direct result of the way these men play with my mind.  Ian's technique is seductive, purely designed to entice a woman into bed. Jason is similar, but there us a greater focus on domination than seduction. Either way, the effect is exquisite. 

I knew that becoming Jason's sub was not a realistic possibility for numerous reasons, despite what had happened at the party. But that was not the point. What was important was that my desire to submit to Jason has released me from the obsessive addiction with the most hypnotically seductive man I was ever likely to meet. It didn't matter that I now had sub feelings for Jason. I can handle Jason, and Jason would never lead me on the way Ian did. Besides this time I wasn't caught unawares - I was able to harness those feelings before they got out of control.

Dale's current view of Ian was slightly different than mine. He still harboured much affection for him. It has always been obvious to me that there is a connection between Dale and Ian that does not exist between Dale and Jason. So although my fantasies now revolved round being Jason's sub instead of Ian's, Dale still hankered after a three-way relationship with Ian.

One month on, Ian has now had his operation and is recuperating. Whilst off work he has had time to indulge in some lengthy and very enjoyable sexting with both of us. For Dale it's like old times, and he is very happy.

But for me? Yes I would like to see him again. I would particularly look forward to another hypnotic seduction. And most importantly I would thoroughly enjoy him making love to me again. And why not? He's hot in bed! I never said the sexual attraction was gone. It's just that with all the bullshit he's put us through, don't think I will ever have sub feelings for him again. And I certainly no longer hanker after being dominated by him.

The spell is finally broken. When I fantasise about being dominated, it is only Jason....

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